Brandon Lee
by hamlet-972
Summary: Just like the moon does, we rise'n'shine'n'fall... The story of Harry's band, Brandon Lee. AU SLASH
1. Brandon Lee

**disclaimer: **No, I don't own anyone you regocnize. In this chapter those would be... Harry, Lily and Draco. And the song is not mine either.

A/N: Well, I've been reading a lot of angst and a lot of AU lately, so you can blame everyone who writes angst-AU-DracoHarrySlash-stories. But my inspiration comes from the song Brandon Lee. That is also the name of Harry's band. Sorry, but there was no beta.

**warnings: **Cursing in this chapter. And the whole story is slash.

The song is The 69 eyes's Brandon Lee.

------------

**What would there be**

**As the river of sadness turns into sea**

**Could there be**

**Another thousand stories like you and me**

A maniac-like laugh echoed in the garage of Potter's. When Harry Potter got a hold of himself, he took his guitar and looked at the other three boys.

Harry didn't wear his glasses, he said that they made him look like a dork. He had contacts instead. He had no tattoos, her mother didn't let him have any, but he had two piercings, one in his tongue and another one in his right ear. He was wearing a sleeveless black shirt and black pants with three chains. His nails were painted blue and he had an Ankh-necklace on his neck.

Devian Hawk, the drummer, just shook his head grinning and gave the rhythm.

Devian had a shoulder-length black hair and deep dark eyes, you couldn't tell that were they blue or black. He had three tattoos, a spider on his right wrist, a snake on his neck and a vampire on his lower back. He also had several piercings, one in his lip, one in left nipple and four in his left ear. He was dressed in black basic t-shirt and black jeans.

Harry and the other guitarist, Cat, started playing their guitars.

Cat's real name was Jimmy Darling, but everybody called him Cat. He had a waist-length purple hair and dark brown eyes. He was skinny, pale and a cat-like. He was the only one who didn't have any piercings. But he did have a tattoo, a small bat on his back. He was wearing a t-shirt with a skull on it, a pair of black jeans and boots.

In a moment, Rory "the bassist" Moore came along with the song. His long red hair was on a ponytail and his green eyes looked down at the notes. He played the bass for a good reason... He didn't have any tattoos, his mother also was against them. But he had three piercings, one in his right eyebrow and two in his left ear. He had a black sleeveless buttoned shirt and black leather pants on him. His nails were painted black.

A girl sat on a bucket listening their playing. The girl had a red hair and brown eyes. She didn't have any tattoos or piercings, except in her ears. She was wearing a mini skirt and a pink top. She wore her hair in plaits. Her name was Sara and she was Harry's little sister.

Sara didn't like the music they played very much, but she had another reason to be there. And that reason was Devian. She had a huge crush on the drummer. He of course knew nothing about it. But Harry knew, and he teased Sara about it every time he had the chance.

She knew that she didn't have a chance with Devian. He was already seventeen like Harry and Sara was only fifteen. But that didn't stop her dreaming, did it?

The door of the garage was open and Lily Potter, Harry's and Sara's mother was standing in front of them. Boys stopped playing.

"What is it, mom?" Harry asked.

"Its six fifteen." She replied simply and walked inside, leaving the door open.

"Hey, are you having new neighbors?" Rory asked and pointed the house across the street.

"Yeah, dad told me about them." Harry said.

"He says that they're really rich." Sara told.

Devian played a loud drum-solo for the honor of the new rich neighbors.

"I bet they loved that." Cat grinned.

"Of course they loved it. Everyone likes my solos. Right, Sassy?" Devian winked at Sara.

She smiled and nodded. "Right." Harry noticed how she blushed faintly. Devian was the only one who called her Sassy.

"We better go before your mom kicks us out." Rory muttered. Right then a car stopped in front of the house and Sara's twin sister Susan stepped out.

Susan's hair was waist-length and dyed dark blue. Her real color was red, like her sister's. Her eyes were dark green. She looked a lot like their mother. Well, she had looked like their mother before she turned fifteen. After that, she was nothing like her mother or her sister. She wore tight black jeans and a blood red sleeveless shirt. She had two piercings in both of her ears, one in her right eyebrow, one in her nose and one in her lip. But that didn't shock her brother or his friends. They were shocked that she came home.

Susan had left the house Friday night and she already came back. Harry had expected her to come tomorrow, Sunday. And this is a fifteen year old we're talking about.

"Back so soon, I see." He said.

Susan gave her brother a wide smile. "Well, I thought I'd come see if my baby sister's alright."

Sara gave her a death glare. "I'm not your baby sister, Susan."

"Yes, you are, Sara." The smile was gone and her voice was cold. Harry raised an eyebrow. O-oh...

"Don't snap at me." Sara asked.

"Fuck you. I can snap at anyone I want, bitch."

"Susan-" Harry started. Susan didn't get along with her twin. Actually, if she felt like it, she didn't get along with anyone. And today she felt like it.

"What, Harry? You've got something to say?"

"Yeah, I do. Don't talk to your sister like that." He said firmly. Honestly, he was scared to death as he waited for Susan's reply. Susan didn't like it when you told her what to do.

"Mind your own business!" She cried. "You can't tell me what to do!"

Harry sighed. He was so sick of this. He was so sick of _her_. Susan fought with her parents and Harry and Sara everyday and always she won. She either screamed as long as she got what she wanted or then she just went away and did what ever she felt like.

"Just leave Sara alone." He said, although he knew it was useless.

"Just make me."

"I'm not-"

"Susan Catherine Potter!"

They all turned to look where the voice came. It was their mother, very angry Lily Potter.

"Hi mom." Susan smiled.

"Hi Susan. Where were you last night?"

"That's none of your motherfucking business." After that she went inside the house her mother following.

"I see she's on a good mood today." Cat said.

"Yeah, she was almost nice to you." Devian agreed. They had seen a lot worse.

Devian, Cat and Rory left and Sara looked at her brother sadly. "Why she has to be like that?"

"Fuck off." Harry snapped and took his guitar. The scariest part about Susan was that she made Harry act like her. Not in front of Susan or their parents, but he didn't care what Sara thought about him.

Sara didn't reply, she just left him alone.

Harry started to play his guitar. He played the song he had written.

"Don't say another word, I don't want to hear..." He sang quietly. "Don't tell me its okay, don't lie to me... Don't tell me its alright-"A shadow fell upon him and he stopped playing. Harry looked up and saw a very good-looking blond boy standing in front of him.

"You play well." The boy said.

Harry put his guitar away and stayed silent.

"I'm Draco Malfoy, I just moved here." The boy told and offered his hand. Harry didn't take it.

"Okay... Well, I better go now." Draco muttered and turned to leave.

"Do you play?" Harry asked then. Draco turned back.

"What?"

"Do you play any instrument?"

Draco nodded. "Yeah, I play piano."

"How long you've been playing?"

"Since I was six. How about you?"

"Since I was fourteen." Harry answered.

"You and your band plays really well. I heard you."

Harry nodded. "Yeah well, it's fun."

Draco smiled. Then he looked like he wanted to ask something. Harry noticed that and gave a short laugh. "Go ahead, I won't bite."

Draco blushed. "Well... Um... Was that girl... That one with blue hair... Your sister?"

Harry's smile faded. "Yeah, that's Susan. My precious little baby sister. She doesn't like people."

"I noticed. How about that other girl?"

"Yeah, she's my little sister too. Sara. She and Susan are twins."

"I don't have any brothers or sisters." Draco told.

"I wish I didn't have any." Harry sighed. They stayed in silence for a moment.

"I should go now." Draco said then. "See you later."

"Okay, bye." Harry nodded. "And by the way, I'm Harry."

Draco smiled at him and left. Harry watched him going. And he soon realized that he watching Draco's ass.

"But it sure is a nice ass..." He muttered and grinned.

-----

A/N: Well, this is more like a lets-meet-everybody-chapter. Live with it. And I'm still not a mind reader, so if you would like to tell what you think then go ahead. I won't bite. I may be a vampire, but I won't bite. But if you don't review, I will bite. Understood?

Oh, by the way, what'd you think of Susan? I like her. Kind of. She talks to her mom like I would sometimes like to talk my mom. Anyway... Moving on!

One more thing! That song Harry was singing, that's mine! I wrote it!


	2. The rapture of the lust

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm not her. The song _Brandon Lee_ belongs to The 69 eyes. I'm not anyone of them. The song _Rapture of lust_ belongs to For my pain... I'm not anyone of them.

**warnings:** Slash, jealousy, cutting, hints for child abuse.

A/N: I'm here! I was bored so I wrote this. When I started I was really depressed and basically wanted to slit my wrists, but writing the short piece about Draco really helped me. I promised you slash and angst, so here you have a little bit of both. Now before I forget, thank you RazorbladeRose for absolutely everything you did for me and this fic. I really love the picture you drew. And I hate you for leaving me alone in this cruel world, when you're off some hippie-camp again. 

Read and review.

----------- 

**Wanted a heart wanted a soul**

**More than anything else in this world**

**But we are doomed**

**Our flesh in wounds**

Harry sat on his bed playing his guitar. Suddenly the door swung open and Devian stormed in.

He sat on the floor Indian-style and started to stare Harry.

"Harry."

"Devian."

"Do you know that Cat is in your sister's room choking her with his tongue?"

Harry just grinned. "I'm glad Sara finally forgot her crush on you and moved on."

Devian gave him a puzzled look. "No, I meant Susan the Psycho. Sara has a crush on me?"

Harry raised an eyebrow surprised. Then he cursed in his mind. Sara would kill him. "What? No, of course not. What makes you think that?"

"You just said so. Seriously Harry, does she have a crush on me?"

"Well..." Harry hesitated. "Sort of. Yeah, she does. But promise me you won't tell her that you know. I swear to god she will kill me if she finds out that I told you."

Devian grinned. "Don't worry, I won't say a word. I'm not interested."

Harry was slightly taken aback by this. "Why not?"

"I'm already taken." Devian told.

"Really? You never told me you have a girlfriend?"

"That's because I don't- Um... Never mind."

"What? You don't what?" Harry asked curiously.

"Nothing. Just forget I said anything." Harry noticed Devian blush.

"Do you mean you have a... Boyfriend?" He asked carefully.

Devian blushed furiously.

"You do! Who?"

Devian blushed even more if possible.

"C'mon Dev, you can tell me. Is it that blond in your next door? I bet it's him-"

Devian shook his head. "No, it's not him."

"Well, who then?"

"Look, we kind of... We haven't told anyone and I don't think he'll be pleased if I tell you."

"Fine. Be boring." Then he remembered what Devian had said earlier. "So, Cat's making out with Susan?"

"Yep. That's just... Disgusting."

"Why thank you, Devian. I'm so glad to hear you're happy for me."

Devian jumped and turned around. "Cat, hi. Didn't see you there."

Cat leaned on the doorframe. "Of course you didn't. You never see anyone who isn't interested in you."

Shivers went on Harry's spine. Cat could be really creepy sometimes. Well, at least he and Susan made a good match.

"Anyway, I'm leaving. See ya on Monday." And so Cat left.

"Why are we calling him Cat?" Devian asked. "Lestat would suit him better."

"He's not a vampire, Dev."

"How'd you know? Haven't you ever seen his eyeteeth? No wait, they're bloody fangs!"

Harry just laughed. "You should really control your imagination. There are no vampires. And if there was, Cat wouldn't be one. Trust me, he's not a Lestat junior."

"He talks like Lestat in Queen of the damned. You know, the movie." Devian said, eyeing the door and waiting when Cat would come back in. He didn't come.

Harry took his guitar and played a random melody. Then he started to sing quietly: "Let me follow you, Lestat..."

Devian glared at him.

"Let me follow you, Lestat. Let me creep in the dark, Lestat..."

"Okay, okay! You made your point!" Devian cried. "But that song sounds pretty good."

"I just made it up, Dev." Harry said raising an eyebrow.

"Write it down." Devian told and opened the door. "I'll see you in school." Then he left too.

Harry put his guitar away and lay down on the bed. He closed his eyes and saw Draco in his mind.

xlxlxlx

Draco sat in his room, lights out. He leaned on the door so no one could get in. He was shaking and he was trying to catch his breath. His father's words echoed in his mind:

"_Be a good boy, Draco. Always be a good boy." _

He wanted to cry but he couldn't. He had forgotten how to cry. As he thought about his father's long fingers on his pale chest, he felt nauseous. He quickly pulled the trashcan to him.

_Well, lunch sucked anyway_, he thought as he put the trashcan away.

Now Draco was shaking even more. He tried to stand up but he immediately fell on his knees. He lay down on the floor and pulled his legs against his chest, cursing his life.

It had been always like that. Ever since he was born, he sensed that something was wrong. There was no love in the family.

Draco had tried to run away, while they still had lived in England. But they caught him and after his father was done with him, he didn't come out of his room for a week. Then they moved in States, in Hogsmeade. Apparently his parents thought that he wouldn't try to run away in the new environment.

Draco slowly sat up and leaned on the door again. He took his little knife out of his pocket and rolled up his sleeve. There were scars on the pale skin. Some of them were new, still red. Some of them were old, so old that you could barely see them.

He pressed the sharp blade on his flesh and cut. Blood started streaming and he sighed. Draco cut another wound and then put the knife away, closing his eyes and feeling the familiar pain. Soon he fell asleep.

xlxlxlx

"Okay, one more time." Harry told between gritted teeth. "We can do it, it's not that hard."

Devian rolled his eyes. "We could do it, if Cat started to concentrate, for a change."

Cat turned to look at him. His eyes were flaming dangerously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing honey, just nothing." Devian replied, smirking.

Cat's eyes stopped flaming and his face came softer. "It's always just nothing." He muttered, slightly grinning.

"Are you two lovebirds ready or should we give you some private time?" Harry asked, not noticing how Rory's eyes flashed in jealousy.

"No need, but thanks anyway dear." Devian winked at Harry. They finally started playing.

_The crestfallen one_

_Drowned into lies_

_Your promises in beautiful disguise_

_I see it from your eyes_

_The sweetest demise_

_The flame of your life, so sweet sacrifice_

Rory tried to concentrate on playing but it was hard. He kept glaring at Cat. He knew that there was absolutely nothing going on between Cat and Devian, Cat was straight. But he couldn't help his jealousy.

_This is the game you want me to join in_

_It is your world, there's nothing to believe in_

_The rapture of the lust_

_The ruins of my trust_

_I will take your heart because you took mine_

_The rapture of the lust_

_The ruins of my trust_

_I will take your heart because you took mine_

Exactly, there was nothing going on between Cat and Dev. They were just friends, they had acted like that since they were fourteen. It was kind of weird that they were friends. Most of the time Devian thought Cat was creepy and scary and all that.

Cat liked his own company, he didn't care much for parties. He was pale and skinny and scary-looking. He had been that for ages. When Devian introduced Harry to Cat when they were thirteen, Harry had been terrified. Cat hadn't look like a normal thirteen year old back then. He had looked like a weird fifteen year old. Cat used his spare time in his dark room, playing his guitar, listening depressing gothic metal-music, reading manga and drawing.

_It's written in my mind_

_Painted in my heart_

_Temptation nearly tears up my scars_

_The mirror never lies_

_See the eyes of despise_

_You raped my dream so I will take you down_

Devian loved parties, he was the party-animal of the band. He was also pale, but he was muscular and eye-catching. He absolutely loved meeting new people and he was good at making everybody laugh. When he was alone, he usually played his drums in their cellar as loud as he could until his sister came to scream him to stop. He never did.

And still, those two were best friends, had been since they were seven.

_This is the game you want me to join _

_It is your world, there's nothing to believe in_

_The rapture of the lust_

_The ruins of my trust_

_I will take your heart because you took mine_

_The rapture of the lust_

_The ruins of my trust_

_I will take your heart because you took mine_

Devian took a deep breath after they stopped. "That was beautiful."

"Of course, it was me who sang." Harry grinned.

Cat rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"You say, darling." Devian continued for him. Cat stuck out his tongue, making his friend burst out laughing. Have you ever seen a guy like Cat stick out his tongue? It is funny.

Rory tried his best not to growl. Instead he packed up his bass. "Look, I got to go now. I'll see ya all tomorrow."

Devian immediately stood up. "Wait for me, okay Rory? Hardy, can I leave my drums here for few hours? I'll pick them up later tonight."

Harry nodded. "Yeah sure. You can leave them here for the night too, if you want."

"Hell no! We're not playing tomorrow and you do you seriously think I could live a day without my babies?"

Harry just grinned as Rory and Devian left the garage.

"What's going on, Rory? You've been quiet today." Devian asked, wrapping his arm around other boy's waist after they had got further from the house.

Rory stepped away from Devian's arm. "Nothing's going on. I think."

"What'd you mean, babe?" The black-haired boy looked at his companion confused.

Rory shook his head. "Nothing. Just forget it."

"No, seriously, tell me."

"Well... You and Cat-"

Devian instantly realized what was going on. "Rory, baby, you're not jealous about Cat, are ya?"

"No, of course not!" Rory cried, not very convincing.

"Honey, he's my best friend. That's all, I swear."

"Yeah, you also swore that you wouldn't drool over that blondie from your next door anymore."

"I don't _drool_."

"Oh please! I've seen how you look at him. You used to look at me the same way."

Devian took Rory's hand and they stopped walking. "Baby, I don't know why you're acting so jealous. I don't think I've done anything to deserve it. You're just being paranoid. Yes, I may look at the blondie sometimes. He has a cute butt, you know. But I think your butt is much cuter." He grinned and pinched Rory's ass.

Rory gave him a small smile. "I'm not acting jealous." He muttered.

Devian laughed and kissed him. "Yeah right, and I'm not madly in love with you."

"You're not?"

Dev sighed. "Honestly, how can I love a guy who doesn't know when I'm being sarcastic?"

"Well," Rory started. "'Cause I'm smart and sexy and funny and sexy-"

"You already said sexy."

"Because I just am so sexy. And I'm also the best bass player ever."

"Well, you don't need much for that anyway."

"Shut up. And I'm also smart and sexy and funny and gorgeous and hot and-"

"Okay, okay, I got your point."

"And I'm madly in love with you."

"No shit Sherlock?"

"Well, no shit. Now, take me home Watson."

"My pleasure, sweetheart."

-------

A/N: Aww... Dev and Rory are so sweet... Okay, tell me what you think. And again, the song Harry sang ("Let me follow you, Lestat. Let me follow you, Lestat. Let me creep in the dark, Lestat..."), that's mine. I wrote it. I got my inspiration from the movie Queen of the damned. I saw it a while ago. Stuart Townsend was sooo hot... "grin" I love vampires... well, I am a vampire so... Anyway, review please!

**reviews:**

**Lady Kaylan Noelle: Thank you. Susan is scary, I know. I just read the book And I don't want to live this life, so I was influenced by it when I was creating Susan. RazorbladeRose: Terribly sorry, hun. I thanked you now, like I promised. I'm glad you still like the fic. Don't argue with my brother, he's not worth it. And I'm the one who should hate YOU. You're cheating me... I hate you... Katatonia: Um... Okay, thanks, I guess. grin: Okay... Thank you, I'm glad you like it. I know that my grammar is what it is... Thanks...**


	3. Have you been good?

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belongs to J.K. Rowling. I am **not **her. The song _Brandon Lee_ belongs to The 69 eyes. I am **not** anyone of them.

**warnings:** Slash, hints for child abuse.

A/N: This took me longenough. I was suffering a writer's block so... Anyway, the point is that I finally updated! Read it. I wrotefor almost a month, you're so reading it. "sweet smile"

--------------

**I would never give in**

**Just like the moon does**

**We rise'n'shine'n'fall**

**Over you that I rise'n'shine'n'crawl**

**Victims aren't we all**

Draco hit his head on his locker and groaned. He hated school. Well, he did hate everything else in his life, so why not school too?

"It's not gonna open like that." A voice came behind him. "Trust me, I've tried several times."

Draco turned around and saw Harry grinning in front of him. "I thought I should give it a one more go." He replied, smiling sadly.

"You never know unless you try it yourself." Harry agreed. "Anyway, I was wondering if you'd walk home with me?"

Draco nodded. "Why not. What happened to all of your friends?"

"They abandoned me." Harry muttered, faking to be miserable. "But you won't, will you?"

Draco couldn't help but laugh at Harry's face. "I won't, I promise."

"Really? You have no idea what you just did, my friend." Harry smirked mischievously.

"Oh please." Draco rolled his eyes. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"You must be an angel sent from heaven." Harry announced. Draco gave him an odd look. He just smiled an angelic smile to him. The blond just shook his head, slightly blushing.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked when they walked out of the school building. "Why did you move here?"

Draco stiffened. "Pardon?"

"I mean, why did you change London for Hogsmeade? You are from London, right?"

The smaller boy nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Where there?"

"We lived in Knockturn Alley."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Never heard of it."

"Well, you haven't lived in London, have you? It's near the Diagon Alley. You have heard about that, right?"

"Yeah, I have. I mean, who hasn't? So, why did you move?"

"Um… We…" Draco wasn't quite sure what to say. "My parents just wanted to… Get me out of the big city, I suppose."

Harry nodded in understanding. "I can see why. But still… If I lived in a big city like London or New York, I'd never leave."

"You only say that 'cause you haven't lived there. But I wouldn't have wanted to leave, either. It's so much easier to disappear in a big city…" His voice faded. He gave one quick look at Harry and realized he had said too much.

"Why would you want to disappear?" Harry asked.

Draco's eyes widened as he had been terrified. "Um… What? I wouldn't! Just… Forget I said anything, okay?"

Harry nodded. "Okay." He said, still wondering why Draco would want to disappear. "So, um… What's up with the shirt?"

The blond gave him a puzzled look. "What about it?"

"It's long-sleeved." Harry nodded towards the black shirt. Draco still didn't get it. Then he realized that sun was shining from the cloudless sky and it was the hottest day since July.

"I like long-sleeved shirts." Draco replied simply and gazed down. He couldn't afford Harry to find out his little secret. Well, secrets. So bring up the attitude. He didn't want to, he liked Harry. But Harry was one curious kid. So he had no choice but put up the wall and be one nasty bastard.

They stopped walking in front of Draco's house. The car was gone, but his mother was home. She always was.

"Bye." Draco said, rather coldly, and turned around to leave. Harry grabbed his arm.

"Draco? Are you alright?" He asked, sounding worried.

"Yes, of course." Draco said with his incredibly sexy British accent. Harry studied his face. There was no sign of the blushing and nervous teen that had been there earlier. Harry snapped back to reality when Draco cleared his throat. "Harry? Could you let go of my arm? I would like to get inside before the dusk."

"Um…" Harry hesitated. He didn't want Draco to leave yet. "Do you wanna come to my place?"

Draco gave him a questioning look. Harry felt himself blush. _Shit!_ "I mean, if you're not in a hurry. I…"

"Actually, I am in a hurry. I have to get inside before-"

"Before what?"

Draco got angry at himself. He wasn't supposed to say that! "Before my mother gets worried." He said, eyes flashing. Harry got suddenly nervous. Those eyes made Draco look dangerous.

"Then you better go." He said and let go of Draco's arm. Draco didn't answer, he just simply went inside leaving Harry to feeling extremely stupid.

Draco closed the door behind him and sighed. In a way he was safe and in a way… He wasn't.

"Draco!"

He definitely wasn't.

"Draco! Get your lazy ass in here!"

"All the screaming mothers of the world unite…" Draco muttered bitterly and walked in the kitchen. "What is it, mother?"

Narcissa Malfoy stood by the window the platinum hair in plait. Her cold grey eyes turned to look at her son. Her very good-looking son with the same platinum hair and grey eyes and muscular but skinny frame. "Who was that boy you were walking with?"

"Now you're spying on me?" Draco asked, not answering the question.

"Who?" She asked, demanded.

"No one. A kid from my school."

"He didn't seem a no one to me."

Draco got annoyed by this interrogation. "What? Am I not allowed to have friends anymore?!" He snapped. "Just mind your own business!" He turned to leave the kitchen.

"Your father will hear about this, Draco."

The boy froze. He slowly turned around, his eyes full of terror. "About what?" He asked, trying to sound careless. "I didn't do anything."

"How many times he has told you not to yell to your mother, Draco?" Narcissa asked. "Quite many. But I guess he has to do it again."

Draco's eyes went wide. "You wouldn't!" He gasped. He remembered very clearly the last time Lucius Malfoy had told him not to shout to his mother. It had been a while since that time. But he remembered. He could never forget. "Mother…" He started. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. There's no need to bother him with this."

The door was opened and closed. Steps were coming near. Someone was standing next to Draco.

"What are you doing home so early, Lucius?" Narcissa asked. Draco took a sharp breath. This was it. _Mom, if you ever loved me…_

"I thought I should spend some time with my family." Lucius Malfoy said with the smooth voice of his. His eyes turned to his son. "Did you just come?"

Draco nodded. "Yes."

"Helping your mother with the dinner?"

"Actually, I should go and do my homework."

Lucius stepped right in front of him so their eyes met. "Have you been good, boy?"

Draco didn't even blink. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth. He was terrified. What if Narcissa would tell that he had yelled at her? What if…

"Answer me, boy. Have you been good?"

The smaller blond turned on the attitude again. He looked his father straight into his eyes. "Yes."

Lucius smirked. "Good. Now go and do your homework."

Draco gave his father a mock-smile and left the kitchen. He ran up the stairs and slammed his door closed. His body was shaking and he couldn't breathe.

"_Have you been good, boy?"_

He shivered and he felt sick. He had to get out. Father would kill him if he left now but he couldn't help himself. He ran out of the house and across the street. Suddenly he realized that he was in front of Harry's home. The door opened before he had the chance to do anything. A red-haired girl stood in front of him, obviously going somewhere.

"Hi." She smiled. "Are you looking for Harry?"

"Um…"

"Who is it, Sara?" Harry's voice came from the house. He came to the door. "Hey Draco." He greeted. "Come on in. Bye Sara."

"It was nice meeting you, Draco." Sara said before she left. "Bye Harry."

Draco stepped in the house and Harry close the door behind him. "So, what's going on? I thought you got enough of me earlier."

"Yeah, um, sorry about that." The blond muttered and followed Harry upstairs. "I couldn't stay home anymore and I didn't know where else to go."

The raven haired teen gave him a smile. "No problem. You can always come here, you know. So, what happened? Got in trouble with your mom?"

"Sort of. Were you, um, middle of something?" He asked, nodding towards Harry's bed with a guitar, note paper and pen on it.

"No, I was just writing a song. It's no big deal," Harry told when he noticed that Draco looked like realizing he shouldn't have come. "I was totally stuck with it, anyway."

"Look, I can leave-"

"No, it's okay. Really." Harry said, amused. Draco blushed. He felt sick again. "Are you alright?" He heard Harry ask. His vision was becoming blurry and he was dizzy. "Draco?" The boy in question quickly took Harry's trashcan and said goodbye to his lunch. He sat down on the floor, leaned on the door and buried his face into his hands.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, trying hard not to cry.

"It doesn't matter. Are you sick? Maybe you should go home and rest? Let your mom take care of you?" Harry suggested, kneeling down next to him.

"No!" Draco suddenly cried. "No. I can't go back there. Not now, at least."

"Okay, you don't have to go. What happened? Are you ill or something?"

"No, I… I do that a lot. It's totally normal. I throw up like once a day. Well, it's normal to me anyway."

"Why?"

Draco snorted. He hated that question. Does there always have to be a reason for everything? Why. If he hated a word, that was it. Why, why, why, why! The first question you'll ever get out of anyone after 'what'! He refused to answer to that disgusting question.

"Draco," Harry started, sitting next to him and putting an arm on his shoulder. He felt the boy flinch. "I want to help you. People don't just throw up for nothing. But you have to let me help you. You have to let me closer."

Draco turned his head so their eyes met. Harry's eyes were so beautiful, bright green. "You can't help me. No one can. It won't matter if I tell you. I'm doomed." He whispered.

"No, you're not. Someone can and will help you. Someone else, if not me. Maybe your parents-"

"Oh please, they're the ones causing this!" Draco burst before he could stop himself.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"Um… Can I use your bathroom?" Draco asked and stood up.

"Yeah, it's right down the hall…"

Draco closed and locked the bathroom door after him. He leaned on the sink and tried to breathe. "When do I learn to shut up?" He asked himself and bent down to drink. He washed his face and then returned to the living.

"Is everything okay?" Harry asked. He was still sitting on the floor. Draco sat next to him. "I mean… Back at your home?"

Draco nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry, this throwing up makes me say things I don't-"

Harry put a finger with a blue colored nail on Draco's lips to shut him up. "It's okay." He whispered and hesitated. Draco was waiting for him to continue. Slowly he leaned down and pressed his lips on Draco's. His hand wandered behind the other boy's neck and the other hand went down to his waist.

Draco started kissing him back, cautiously. His hands snaked around Harry's waist covered with black cloth. He felt Harry nibbling and licking his lower lip, for entrance. And of course he gave it. He might have been messed up but not that messed up.

Unfortunately the oxygen came for an issue. Their lips separated, they were both panting. The grey, with a hint of blue, eyes met the green ones and they stared at each other for a long moment. Finally Harry smiled. He opened his mouth to say something but Draco shut him up. With his lips. And his tongue. Harry didn't really mind. Draco was, after all, a great kisser. And he hadn't had anything to say, anyway.

-------------

A/N: This turned out to be a DracoHarry-chapter, but I'm sure you don't mind... Now, press the button!

**reviews:**

**Katatonia: Well, they kissed in this chapter, happy? I can't get them together too soon 'cause they just met and all. And I have to do something about Harry's band, too. But don't worry, they will get together sooner or later. Thanks for loving it. (And me) starrrr: Thank you... grin: I'm glad you liked it. Wuhuu, I've done something right! Cat's supposed to seem scary, I mean. Sorry that this took so long. glamour-guest: Thanks RazorbladeRose: I'm _never_ being paranoid. And right, you're not like Cat. You're a girl. (Don't hit!) lol**


	4. The misery

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The song _Brandon Lee_ belongs to The 69 eyes. I am **not** anyone of them. The song _The misery_ belongs to Sonata Arctica. I am **not** anyone of them.

**warnings:** hints for child abuse, cutting, suicidal thoughts, jealousy. And slash of course.

A/N: Yeah yeah, I know this took me long enough and I apologize. But... Guess who saw The 69 eyes live yesterday!! It was awesome! I wanna do it again. They were sooo good and amazing and... It was just so cool. Whenthey went on the stage they walked like 2 meters from RazorbladeRose and me. Pretty cool, huh? Well, when the show was over, they walked like 2 _centi_meters from us. Yes, I'm a fan (you figured that out already, didn't you?). That band is the best! Anyway, read the bloody chapter...

**-------**

**What would there be**

**Beyond the eyes of Brandon Lee**

**Could there be**

**A revenging angel left to bleed**

_I write the lines you want me to  
__With words I dare to use of all  
__The ones that you have taught me  
__Along the years_

Harry sang along the record and played it with his guitar. He loved that song. He loved many songs, but that was one of his very favorites.

He accidentally played a wrong note and pushed the guitar away. He couldn't concentrate, when he knew that Draco was across the street, all alone. He wanted to go to him. He had called Draco earlier, but he had said that he couldn't see Harry today. It had been three days since they kissed. Everyday Harry had called him and everyday the answer had been the same. In school Draco barely said 'hello' and he never smiled. He didn't listen in classes, he just stared in front of him. Not seeing anything.

Harry was of course worried. Did he do something wrong? Maybe he shouldn't have kissed him. But Draco had kissed him right after it. Maybe something had happened at Draco's home, with his parents. Maybe.

_You cast a perfect shadow on the paper  
__Fade away with sunlight  
__Fear the way you know me  
__Love can leave a stain_

Across the street, in the kitchen of Malfoys, Narcissa Malfoy sat by the table squeezing a cup of tee in her hands. Lucius Malfoy sat in across the table, reading calmly the paper.

"He's your son, Lucius." She finally burst out.

Lucius raised his head from the paper. "I know that."

"He's our son."

"Yes, I know that too. Where is this going, Narcissa?"

Her husband's calmness irritated her greatly. "He hates us."

He put the paper away. "Narcissa, darling, what is going on? You have never acted like this before."

Narcissa sighed. "Draco has friends now. What if he tells someone?"

"He won't. You really think his pride would allow that? Our son is very proud, Narcissa, like we are. He won't tell anyone about anything."

But Narcissa wasn't pleased with this. "He has been like a shadow these passed few days. He has never been like this before. He doesn't even smile anymore."

"How do you know? He has never smiled in front of us. Stop worrying, you've never done that. He's going to be just fine, trust me."

_You steal my only hope  
__And make me stay awake another night  
__I wish you bare with me, stay near me  
__When the autumn leaves have fallen  
__Solitude, my pain, the last thing left of me_

Upstairs, Draco sat behind a locked door and watched the blood slowly stream down his arm. Bitter tears rolled down the cheeks. His body ached and it was bruised all over. His body was shaking as he grabbed the knife again and brought it up to his left wrist. He stared at his wrist and the knife for minutes. He wanted to end his life now. He wanted it so much. He wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. He wanted to feel free for the first time ever.

But he was a coward. He just couldn't do it. He put the knife down and cursed under his breath. He wanted it so much and he couldn't do it. Why he had to be such a loser? He couldn't even kill himself. He was broken. And he was cursed to broken forever.

He didn't want Harry near him. Harry would either hurt him, like everyone else in his life, or run away as soon as he discovered what was really going on inside the Malfoy house.

Draco took the knife one more time and cut a one more wound in his flesh. "Please, kill me…"

_If you fall, I'll catch  
__If you love, I'll love  
__And so it goes, my dear  
__Don't be scared you'll be safe  
__This I swear if you only love me_

Two blocks away Cat sat in his dark room, playing the melody of Sonata Arctica's _The misery_. He was so concentrated on the music that he couldn't hear Devian stepping in and closing the door. He sat down on the floor and watched his friend playing. After five minutes he cleared his throat.

"Jimmy?"

The purple haired boy looked boy. He didn't seem surprised when he saw Devian in the room. "Dev."

"Can I ask you something?"

Cat put his guitar away. "Shoot."

"Have you ever been in love?" Devian asked, studying Cat's face.

"No."

"Are you now?"

"No."

"So you're not in love with Susan?"

"No. I'm not even with her anymore."

"Well, I didn't expect it to last very long. No offense." Devian added quickly. "Jimmy, is love for real?"

Cat went to sit next to him. "No. It's something that we think we feel when we really like someone. There's no such thing as love."

"But then that means that I can't love you." Devian said, sounding sad. Cat raised his eyebrows. Devian noticed the surprised expression and blushed. "I mean as a friend. You are my best friend after all."

"Yeah, I guess it means that."

"Wow…" Devian tilted his head on Cat's shoulder. "Life's really depressing."

"Welcome to the real world, mate."

_Seven lonely lies written on dead winter's night  
__Open the only book with the only poem I can read  
__In blood I sign my name  
__And seal the midnight with a tear  
__Burn the paper, every line, for them I cried_

Rory stared in front of him and played with his food. He hadn't eaten anything. Kathryn Moore, his mother, gave him a concerned look. "Rory, dear, is everything alright?" She didn't get an answer and she repeated the question. Her son looked up.

"What? Sorry, mom, did you say something?"

"Is everything okay, dear? You haven't eaten your dinner."

"I'm not really hungry. Everything's fine, don't worry, mom." Rory replied and returned to his thoughts. He knew Devian was at Cat's. He knew they were all alone in Cat's dark and sort of romantic room. He cursed under his breath. He wasn't supposed to be so jealous! Cat and Devian were just friends.

Then why did he want to go at Cat's and drag Devian the hell out of there?

Because he was jealous.

No, he was not. Okay, maybe he was. No, not _maybe. _He definitely was. Sighing, he stood up, thanked his mother for dinner and went up to his room. He took his cell phone and looked at it: 1 message received.

It was from Devian. He asked Rory to meet him in front of Cat's in half an hour.

Rory rolled his eyes. Like hell he was going. He so wasn't going to see Devian holding Cat's hand and telling that it was over between him and Rory. That Cat was his true love.

_If you fall I'll catch  
__If you love I'll love  
__And so it goes my dear  
__Don't be scared you'll be safe  
__This I swear if you only love me back_

"He doesn't answer." Devian announced as he tried to call Rory for the third time. "I don't understand."

"Is he mad at you or something?" Cat asked, sucking his cigarette.

"I dunno. I don't think so. I mean, I don't think I've done anything…" The black haired teen started but then remembered something. Rory had been acting jealous because of Cat. And Devian had asked Rory to meet him in front of Cat's. "No fucking way."

"What?"

"The guy's an idiot."

"What?" Cat repeated his question. "Dev, what's going on?"

_Shit…_ Devian turned around to face his friend. "Cat, I… Rory and I… We are… We've been… I… He… We…"

"Yeah?"

"We are… Kind of… Together."

Cat raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You mean 'together' as in… _Together_?"

Devian took a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Okay." Cat nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. This wasn't what I expected but it'll do. My best friend's gay and he's dating my other friend. Okay." Cat kept on nodding and sucking his cig.

"So… You're cool with this?" Devian asked carefully.

"Yeah, sure, why wouldn't I be? It's not my business who you date. But…"

"But what?"

"You're like the straightest guy I know."

_I am the Playwriter and you are my Crown  
__Make me cry for your love  
__Like you've done many times  
__So I know I can't write these storylines without you  
__Lady Pain, make me strong  
__Can't we be together without them forever? _

"Harry?"

Harry snapped his eyes open and saw Susan standing in the doorframe. "What?"

"There's some really cute blonde asking you." She told, playing with her blue hair.

"Why didn't you let him upstairs?" The boy asked, standing up.

"Hey, don't blame me. He said he'd rather wait outside."

In a second Harry was already downstairs and by the door. "Draco." He breathed.

Yes, it was Draco. The boy leaned on the wall, looking quite miserable. And was that a bruise on his face? "Hey Harry." He greeted hoarsely.

"You wanna come in?"

Quickly he shook his head. "No. Could we go for a walk or something?"

"Yeah, of course." Harry grabbed his jacket and stepped outside, closing the door. They started walking down the street. "Is everything okay?" The only answer he got was a shake of head. "Did I do something?" Again Draco shook his head. "So… You're not mad that I kissed you?" This time there was not reply of any kind. After a long moment of silence Draco finally spoke.

"I'm sorry. No, I'm not mad. I… I dunno what the hell is wrong with me." His voice fell and he turned his head away. Harry felt terrible to see Draco so sad. Carefully, he took his hand. And for his surprise, Draco didn't pull away. So they walked hand in hand down the streets of Hogsmeade, silent.

_The words I write can only hurt me  
__Sorry for the rain  
__Thank you my only one  
__You gave me this pain  
__I leave you gently on the floor  
__Take one step towards the door  
__Where's that letter never written  
__Good night now_

_If you fall I'll catch  
__If you love I'll love  
__And so it goes my dear  
__Don't be scared you'll be safe  
__This I swear if you only love me _

_----------_

A/N: You guys like it? I wrote it like forever, you better like it. Just kidding... Anyway, review please.

**reviews:**

**Q.T Starrrr: Draco did drink! He went into the bathroom after he puked "and bent down to drink". Anyway, I know that this isn't soon, but... The point is that I updated. ...right...? RazorbladeRose: Oh, you love me, I know you do... "wink" grin: Calm down! I'm not gonna kill him... Maybe. Just kidding, I won't. I want them to have a happy ending. But if I keep writing with this speed, we'll have it in 2007.. I try to write more often, but I've started to write another story again, so... Anyway... I'll just... Go write the next chapter.... **


	5. Secret boyfriend

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not **her.

**warnings: **Jealousy and... um...

A/N: Yes, I know! It's taking ages to write these bloody chapters. But I have a lot in my mind right now. Just... Bare with me. Anyway, read the thing and... review. Okay? Please? For me?

-

**Wanted the truth  
Wanted the faith  
More than anything else in this world  
But we are doomed  
****Body and soul marooned  
I would never give in**

"Hey Cat?"

Cat turned around, the purple hair swinging. "Yeah?"

"What's up with Dev and Rory? They look like they've fought or something." Harry said quietly, leaning on a locker.

"Well, um… Has Dev told you about his boyfriend?"

"No. I mean, not his name. Why? You know him? Who is he?" A curiosity lit up to Harry's face. "Oh my god, is Rory jealous?"

Cat blushed faintly. "Um… Yes. Rory… He is 'him'. Rory's Dev's secret boyfriend."

Harry's eyes went wide. "Rory's Dev's boyfriend! No fucking way! Rory's with that poet-dude. That Alexander with worn-out jeans and long scarves and make-up."

"Harry," Cat raised an eyebrow. "They broke up like a month ago. And I think Dev's the reason why." The boys were starting to sound like gossiping teen age girls, but did they care? No of course not. Their best friends' love lives were involved.

"But-"

"Excuse me?"

The boys turned around. There was a small red head in front of them. "Can I help you?" Cat asked, putting on Cat the Charmer.

"Yes, you can tell your friend to get the hell off my locker." The girl snapped, nodding towards Harry who stepped aside and continued like nothing happened.

"But why is Rory jealous?"

"'Cause of me." Cat told, watching the girl take her books and leave.

"'Cause of you? Why?"

"He thinks there's something going on between Dev and me. Who is that girl?"

Harry turned around once again and looked at the back of the red haired girl. "Who, she? Ginny Weasley."

"_That_ is Ginny Weasley! But… She's gorgeous. The Ginny Weasley I remember is not gorgeous."

"That's because the last time you paid any attention on her was when you and I bullied her in the park when she was eleven. You remember that?" Devian hit his back on a locker a lollipop in his mouth.

Cat gave a short laugh. "Oh yeah. That was the time when her brothers almost beat the hell out of us."

Devian made a grim at the memory. "She's cute." He said then, trying to ignore Harry's very curious gaze.

"Devian?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Who's your secret boyfriend?"

Devian glanced at Cat who was now very interested in the ceiling. "Why do you even ask when you already know?"

"So it's true? You and Rory?"

The drummer sighed. "Yes." Harry's face lit up. "_But_ you do not say anything about knowing to him. He doesn't know that you know. He doesn't know that Cat knows. Fucking hell, he doesn't know anything!"

"Where is he, by the way?" Harry asked, noticing that Rory was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, probably sulking somewhere. Ass." Devian started to sulk as well. "I can't believe how he can be so motherfucking jealous. I mean, I know he plays bass but he didn't used to be this stupid!"

"Gee, thanks Dev. I thought we agreed _not_ to tell them yet?" The three boys turned around and saw a very angry/disappointed/sad-looking Rory. "Actually, if I remember correctly it was _you_ who didn't want anyone to know."

"Rory I-" Devian started but Rory was already gone. "I better go after him." He muttered and left Cat and Harry to stand there.

"I bet you five bucks that they make up before lunch?" Cat suggested. Harry couldn't hear him. He saw Draco by the hall, fighting with his locker again.

"Um… I'll see you in class, Cat." Harry muttered and went to the blonde. "Hi." He greeted quietly. Draco gave him a small smile.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"Eh… Nothing much. Is everything okay?" The raven haired one of the boys asked carefully. Draco seemed surprisingly happy.

"Yes, why wouldn't it be?" He asked, smile fading, as he got his locker finally opened. "I hate this bloody thing."

"Draco?"

"What?"

"What's going on? One day you look like you're ready to kill yourself and the next you ask why anything would be wrong." Harry burst out, without having the time to stop himself. _Why did I say that! _

Draco's expression immediately fell. "Well, excuse me for having a good day for a change. Sorry, I didn't know that I'm not allowed to smile." He snapped, slamming his locker closed.

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?"

"I… I just want to know what's going on with you. You change moods so fast and-"

"It's called being a teenager, Harry." Draco snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to be late for class."

xlxlxlx

"Rory!" Devian whispered and poked the red head's back with his pen. "C'mon, Ry. Could you-"

"Mr. Hawk, what do you think you are doing?"

Devian looked up and saw their English teacher, Mrs. McGonagall, looking at him with a slightly angry expression. "Eh, me, m'am?"

"You are the only Mr. Hawk in here, are you not?" McGonagall asked with her British accent. Which wasn't nearly as sexy as Draco's. "Now, stop disturbing Mr. Moore or I have to remove you from the class. Is that understood?"

"Yes, m'am." So Devian had to wait until they were dismissed. "Look, it's not like _I_ told Harry. Cat did."

"Who told Cat then?" Rory snapped.

"That would be me. But it didn't happen like you think it did!"

"How did it happen then?"

Devian gulped. "Um… He asked about it."

"So, Cat asked that are we together? Just like that?"

"Yes! I mean no!" Rory gave him a look. "No. It was the time when you stood me up."

"I stood you up! When did I do that?"

"When I asked you to meet me in front of Cat's yesterday. Why didn't you come?" Devian asked as they stopped walking. Rory leaned on the wall.

"I… I didn't want to see you with Cat." He muttered and played with the gauntlet on his wrist.

An amused smile spread on Devian's face. "Oh honey…" He started and wrapped his arms around Rory's waist. "Hun, you have nothing to worry about. Cat and I and are just friends. When are you gonna get that?"

Rory looked quite embarrassed. "I just… Cat's a good looking guy. And you're so close with him and-"

"Honey, Cat's straight."

"You were straight."

"Yeah, but Cat's _really _straight. He has his eye on Weasley now."

"Ron?"

The drummer raised an eyebrow. "No, you jackass. Ginny. She's really pretty now." He brushed a red lock away from Rory's face. "Are we okay now? Or is there something else you want to be mad at me for?"

Rory smiled. "I guess I deserved that."

"You so did. You're such a jackass sometimes, you know that?"

"I am? I haven't really noticed."

"Well, you are."

"Hey, Dev?"

"Yes, my darling?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

-

A/N: Well. Personally, I think this sucks. But I didn't want to keep you waiting too long. Let me know what you think.

**reviews:**

**Q.T Starrrr: You sound jealous? lol grin: I'm terribly sorry that this is taking so long every time but like I said I have a lot of things in my mind. But it's nice that you're waiting for me. The song (Brandon Lee) is really good, one of my favorites. You should get it somewhere and listen it. Mistress Vamp: Is that enough if I try to update soon? Faren'sFowl: Why thank you itsasledgehammer: Honestly, when I started writing this, I had the same problem. Harry just isn't like that. But I've read sooo many fics where Harry suffers (including yours, _Wrong Turn_ is really good btw. And all the other's I've read from you) that I decided to make it a little different this time. Anyway... Thanks for loving this. lol**


	6. Johnny Depp

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The song _Brandon Lee_ belongs to The 69 Eyes. I am **not** anyone of them. The song _Lucretia_ belongs to Theatres Des Vampires. I am **not** anyone of them.

**warnings:** Slash. Discussing about Johnny Depp.

**songs:** The 69 Eyes - Brandon Lee  
Theatres Des Vampires - Lucretia

A/N: Well. I'm back. With a short chapter. Anyway... I think it's rather good. But read it. And review of course. Okay... Chapter 6:

* * *

**Just like the moon does **

**We rise'n'shine'n'fall**

**Over you that**

**I rise'n'shine'n'crawl**

"Hello, is Draco here?"

All Harry got for an answer was a questioning look.

"Um… I'm Harry. I live across the street."

Narcissa Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"I'm Draco's friend, from school. Eh… Is he home?"

"Yes, he is in his room. You'll find it upstairs. It's the one with very absurd music coming out of there."

"Thank you, m'am." Harry found his way upstairs and started to look for the "absurd" music playing room. He knocked on the door but got no answer. Quietly he opened it.

Draco was lying on the bed, on his back, eyes closed. Stereos were playing _Threatres Des Vampires_' song _Lucretia_. When Harry closed the door, covered with Children of Bodom-posters, and leaned on it, Draco opened his eyes

_Tears are falling on my face_

_Tears are falling without her_

_I still taste her sweet scent_

_Rain follows my steps_

_I'm alone along her grave_

"Hey." The raven haired one of the boys said softly.

"Hi."

"You okay?"

"Are you just doing small talk or do you really care?"

"What's the difference?"

_Lucretia _

_Lucretia_

_Tears are falling on my mouth_

_On my skin, on my hands, on her grave_

Draco sat up to face Harry. "If you're just doing small talk, I can say I'm fine. But if you really care, I can say I'm not fine. So, what it's gonna be?" Pretending or not?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Tell me everything."

"I don't like talking."

The standing teen couldn't help but smile. This sad looking blonde was clever. "I'm not accepting that answer."

Draco stood and came to the boy. "Really? Why not?" He placed his hands on the both sides of Harry's head, leaning on the door. "What's wrong with my answer?" He dropped his left hand on Harry's waist and pressed his hips on the green eyed one's.

"_My beloved I'm goin' away_

_Silence of darkness is strangling me_

_There's no breath here, no shining land_

_Just pain and me_

_My hand are bleeding, I miss your touch_

_I miss your love, I miss you"_

Harry swallowed. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth. The intense look of those beautiful grey eyes was so mesmerizing. And what was Draco's hand doing with Harry's waist. How was he supposed to concentrate on anything when those cool, slim fingers kept drawing small circled on his skin?

"Harry?" Draco whispered in his ear. "Why do you think I'm doing this?"

The other boy carefully turned his head so he could look Draco in the eyes. "'Cause you don't want to tell me anything."

"Maybe. Or maybe I just think you're incredibly sexy and want to fuck you right here right now."

"I doubt it. We just met."

Draco's hand stopped caressing Harry's waist and he pushed himself away from the raven haired teen. "You're right. We just met. So, Harry. Tell me about yourself." The blonde sat on the bed again.

"I thought you were supposed to tell me all about you."

A witty smile spread on Draco's face. "Harry, I'm a very dull person. You don't want to hear me talking dull things with my dull accent."

Harry blushed. "I don't think your accent is dull." He said, eyes on the floor. "I think it's rather sexy."

"You do?" Draco sounded slightly disbelieved. "Anyway, I wanna know all about you. Tell me about your sisters."

"Well, um… They're twins and they drive me nuts." For some reason that made Draco to burst out laughing.

"Okay… I don't have any sisters so I don't know. Tell me more."

_I walk among the graves_

_The moon caresses the cold marble of death_

_Faded flowers, dismal wind inside my soul_

_My heart is crying tears of blood_

xlxlxlx

"You sure we're okay?" Devian asked for the tenth time.

"Yes. If you ask that again I'm gonna kill you. Okay?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I have strange desires."

"I've noticed." Rory gave his boyfriend a small smile and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"You're really silly, you know?" He said and turned his face back to the movie. They were watching Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Who can resist them?

"I am not."

"Are too. You're just so… you sometimes."

"Do you mind? I'm trying to watch Johnny Depp here."

"You rather watch Johnny Depp than me?"

"Honey, I love you. But it's Johnny Depp."

Rory rolled his eyes. "Men…"

"Oh please, can you seriously say that you rather watch me than Johnny Depp?"

"Yes, actually I can. First of all, Johnny Depp is old. Second of all, Johnny Depp doesn't love me. And Johnny Depp is not holding me right now."

"He's not old!"

"Yes he is. He's what? Forty? And you're what? Seventeen?"

"Eighteen in six months." Devian told firmly. "And now, shut up. It's both Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom in the same picture."

* * *

A/N: Tell me what you think... 

**reviews:**

**Sophiiv: This isn't so long but I hope it'll do "grin" Q.T.Starrrr: Maybe, maybe. This story has to have at least one het-couple, so why not Ginny and Cat? And calm down, I updated Lost boys yesterday, go read and review! RazorbladeRose: Yes, I know he bumped you, but I'm trying to forget that 'cause for some strange reason I'm rather jealous. You didn't faint when he bumped you, you can't faint now. Sit somewhere. Love you.  
****  
grin: I hope you're doing better in school now. Dev's with Rory and Cat is good looking. Well, I've always imagined him to be good looking. A guy can look creepy and hot at the same time. I've seen it. I've seen a very hot, good looking, gorgeous boy downtown, but still, he looks so scary that I would never have the courage to go anywhere near him. But he's fucking hot. He has a really cool leather jacket... I don't know who he is, but I call him The-Art-Night-Boy or something like that 'cause I saw him the first time in this thing where these art-stuff-things happen in the streets and all. I don't really know how to explain it. There's people from the circus-school performing and guys in the market selling balloons. Stuff like that. And the youth of Finland drinking alcohol in the streets 'cause they can't do it home or in bars'cause they're under-aged. So what if the police comes? They rather runaway in the park than be sober. Idiots...Yeah, that are the kids like here. The future hope of our precious country. Drinking beer in the snow.  
****  
Don't mind me, I'm just bitter 'cause I don't have a drinking-problem. I can't go to AA-meetings. I want to have a alcohol-problem just so I could go to the meetings. I'm so weird... **

Of course Ginny's here. Harry's here, Draco's here. Soon will Ron and Hermione be here. I think. I'm not sure yet. I think I get your point. Anyway... Don't read these things when you're tired. It's not good for you. Trust me, I know. And you shouldn't update these things in the middle of the night, either. I should go to sleep, I have to wake up in 8 hours. That's so not enough. I need like 12 hours of sleep. Anyway... (My favorite word, btw) I'll just go now...


	7. Ravenclaw

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her.

**warnings:** Not much. Little cursing. Nothing big. Dursleys are mentioned.

A/N: Long time, no see.. Yeah, yeah, I know. I haven't updated in a month. Well, I have 9 pages for you, so you better not complain. Okay? You know what I just realized? There's no song in this chapter. But we'll manage, right? Of course we will. We're strong. We're cool. Here's the chapter 7:

Oh, I almost forgot! About the bands who Harry names, they're not real. _Anthrax_ is a real band, but not the others. Not that I know of. Okay? Okay, _now_ I can let you read:

* * *

"Harry! Harry, wake up!" Susan cried and pulled the cover off his brother. "Gosh, you're gonna miss the whole day if you just stay in bed. It's freaking Sunday!"

Harry rolled over. "Why you're home?" He mumbled.

"I'm not allowed? Gee, Harry, I thought you liked me." Susan pouted, a phone in her hand.

"Of course you're allowed you jerk. You're just not usually home. Especially on Sunday mornings." The boy yawned. "What's up with the phone?"

"Huh? Oh, the phone! It's for you." Susan gave the phone to Harry. "Hermione."

"Hermione who?" Harry asked as he took the phone and his blanket.

"Hermione Granger."

"Who the hell is Hermione Granger?"

"It's that British girl from your history-class. That one with brown bushy hair."

"And how'd you know all this?"

"She told me." Susan said and started to leave. "Well, she didn't say that her hair's bushy, but… You get my point. Oh, I think I accidentally told her that you're gay. I thought she was going toask you out or something. She wouldn't have a chance even though you were straight."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I am straight!"

"Then why'd you always kiss that new kid across the street?" Then she was gone. Harry remembered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Harry?"

"Yeah. Sorry you had to wait."

"It's okay. I'm Hermione Granger, we go to the same school?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I hope this is not a bad time. I can call again later, if you like."

"No, it's cool."

"You sound little sleepy. Oh dear, I woke you up, didn't I?"

"No, actually my sister did. But that's not important. So, you called for a reason?"

"Oh yes! Ron told me you have a band?" Hermione asked. Her family had moved from Liverpool when she was three so she didn't have an accent.

_Ron who?_ Harry thought. "Yeah, I do."

"You've been together long?"

"Three years or so. Why'd you ask?"

"You probably know that my father owns that club down town? That Ravenclaw?"

Harry yawned. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, a funny thing happened. My dad had booked this new punk band to play there next Friday. But last night they canceled it. They said something like they've got a record deal and they're going to New York on Monday. You follow?"

_What's funny about that? _Harry yawned again. "Yeah?"

"So, my dad, who is absolutely freaking out 'cause he doesn't have a band for Friday, told me to take care of it. He thinks I know good, fresh bands 'cause I'm young. I was wondering if you and your band could play in Ravenclaw this Friday."

Harry sat up, completely awake. "Come again?"

"Um… Could you and your band play in Ravenclaw this Friday?"

"Well, um… I have to talk with the others about this… And um…"

"Oh, of course I need to hear you first. Are you gonna practice today?"

"Eh…" No, they weren't gonna practice. "Yes, we are. Um… My place at four?"

"Yeah, great. I'll see you then. Oh, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Where do you live?"

Harry quickly told her his address and said 'bye' like ten times before putting the phone away. He fell on his bed and tried to breathe. He dialed Devian's homenumber.

"Hawk." The voice of Devian's little sister, Mera, yawned.

"Mera? It's Harry."

"Oh, hi Harry. You want Devian?"

"Yes, please."

"Just a sec." Mera told to Harry and then yelled to his brother. "Dev! Phone! Harry!"

"Me! Sleep!" Harry could hardly hear Devian's answer.

"Get your ass down here!"

"Is it important?"

"He wants to know if it's important." Mera said to Harry.

"Yes, our band's future is in stake."

"Oh, okay. It's about _Brandon Lee_!"

Footsteps were heard when Devian ran downstairs. "What about it?" He asked his sister before taking the phone.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe they want to kick you out of it."

"Oh shut up. Go save whales or something. Harry?"

"Dev? You're never gonna guess what just happened!"

"Tell me."

"Hermione Granger called me."

"That bushy haired girl from history? What about her? She asked you out?"

"No, you ass. She wants us to play in Ravenclaw this Friday."

"What!"

"Yeah, she said the band for that night canceled so they need someone else. And they want us. Of course she has to hear us first so I told her to come to my house at four. Can you come? You better can, I'm kicking your ass if you can't. This is the thing we've been waiting for three years!"

"Hey, breathe, will ya? You're forgetting something now."

"Like what?"

"Your mom never lets us practice on Sundays."

"I'll explain it to her, don't worry. She'll understand."

"You sure?"

"Positive. You can come, right?"

"Of course. You've told Cat and Rory yet?"

"No, not yet. Could you call Cat for me?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'll see you at four."

"Okay, great. Bye."

Then Harry dialed Rory's number. His little brother picked up. "Hello?"

"Rudy? Um… It's Harry here. Is Rory home?"

"Harry who?"

Harry rolled his eyes. He didn't really get along with Rudy. "You know very well who. Just get Rory on the phone."

"What if I don't?"

"Now, Rudy." Harry said with the don't-mess-with-me-or-I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass-tone, which Rudy knew very well.

"Okay, okay, okay. Just take it easy, will you. Rory's sleeping."

"Wake him up."

"You really want me to get killed? Have you ever tried to wake up sleeping Rory? It's not safe."

Harry sighed. "Fine. Tell him to call me after he wakes up, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Harry put the phone away and finally got off the bed. He wandered to the kitchen where his parents were drinking coffee. There was a dirty cup by the sink. It must have been Susan's.

"Harry?" James Potter couldn't believe his eyes. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Dunno." Harry yawned. "What time is it?"

"It's nine thirty, honey. Susan woke you up, didn't she? I told her to tell that girl to call again later." Lily Potter said as her son walked to the fridge.

"Don't we have any coke?"

"Harry, it's nine thirty in the morning! You're not drinking coke with your breakfast."

"What if I'm not taking any breakfast?"

"Harry, take milk. Take coffee. Hell, you can even take ice tea. But you are not taking coke."

"Relax dad, we don't even have any coke." Harry smiled as he sat down with a bowl of cocoa puffs. He shivered as his bare stomach accidentally leaned on the kitchen counter made of stone. It was cold, and he was wearing only a pair of dark green boxers. "Mommy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"You know how much _Brandon Lee_ means to me? And to the boys?"

"Of course, honey."

"Then you must understand why it is so important to us to play today."

Lily looked up from her paper. "I thought we've agreed that you don't play on Sundays."

"Yes, I know. But-"

"There's no but. You don't play on Sundays."

"But mom, would you even care to hear why we need to play today?"

"Because they're not good enough." Susan came to the kitchen and took a clean cup.

"Use the old one, sweetie. We already have enough dishes." Lily told her.

"I don't wanna use it, it's dirty. So, the truth has been revealed. _Brandon Lee_ sucks."

"Susan, go away." Harry snapped.

"Be nice to your sister, young man, or mom's not gonna let you play." The girl smirked.

"Didn't I just tell you to go away?"

"Yeah, you did. But I'm ignoring you. And besides, I have to drink my coffee in the kitchen. It's the rule, remember?"

"Then shut up and drink your coffee."

"Susan, Harry." James said with a warning tone.

Susan smiled sweetly to her brother who stuck out his tongue.

"Harry, we were having a discussion." His mother reminded.

"Oh yeah. So, Hermione Granger called and she is looking for a band to play on her parents' club on Friday. She asked us, but she needs to hear us first and she asked if she could come today. Mom, please? I already promised her."

Lily thought. "Is this club a big thing for Brandon Lee?"

"You have no idea how big. Guys from record companies go there to find new talents. Mom, _Real-Time System_ played there, _The Punisher_, _Monster Allergy_. Mom, _Endymion_ played there. _Endymion_!"

"Who on earth is _Endymion_?"

"You don't know _Endymion_!" Harry and Susan both cried.

"Gosh, mom, it's the best Heavy Metal band ever!" Susan told.

"Bloody hell, it's better than _Anthrax_. I mean, Phoenix De La Vera has the most amazing singing voice."

"_And_ he's totally hot!"

"What is _Anthrax_?" Lily wondered this time.

"Not the point, mom. The point is that if you let us play today to Hermione, we may end up playing in Ravenclaw which means that we have the possibility to get a record deal. Mom, you can't, you just simply can't deny this."

"You're seventeen! They don't give record deals to seventeen year old boys."

"Mom!" Harry was getting frustrated. "Phoenix De La Vera was sixteen when they played in Ravenclaw. Mom, please. Do you really wanna be responsible for ruining your only son's life?"

Susan burst out laughing. "You can't-" Laugh. "Be serious!" Laugh. "She's-" Laugh. "Saving your-" Laugh. "Life by saying no!"

"Susan."

"Yes, mother?"

"Go wake up your sister."

Susan smiled sweetly and left as her mother turned to her brother. "Honey, does it really mean that much?" Harry nodded. "Okay. One hour."

Harry stood up with his empty cereal bowl and hugged his mother. "Thanks, mommy. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie. Oh, and Harry?" She asked when the raven haired teen was about to leave the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"Keep it down in the garage, will you? Your aunt and uncle are coming for a visit today."

Harry froze. "They are?"

"Yes. I told you last week they're coming."

"They're here only for dinner, so don't worry. You don't have to take Dudley to your room." James smiled, getting a glare from his wife.

"When are they coming?" Harry asked.

"Who are coming?" Sara yawned as she followed her twin to the kitchen.

"Dad, can I get a tattoo?" Susan questioned and took an apple.

"The Dursleys are coming at three thirty and no, you can't get a tattoo." James told.

"But I have the practice at four!"

"Dursleys! What for?"

"Oh, dad, why not? It would be so cool!"

James Potter sighed and stood up. "I need a shower. Ask your mother."

* * *

A/N: So, once again: There's no such bands as Real-Time System, The punisher, Monster Allergy or Endymion. But there is Anthrax. Now, review

**reviews:**

**Mistress Vamp: Thanks. I try to update little sooner next time. rae: I know.. I love vampires...**


	8. Drama

**disclaimer: **Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not **her.

**warnings: **SLASH SLASH SLASH! Fighting. Smoking. The word _homophobe._

A/N: It's been a while. I hope you forgive me. Summer is here! "coughs" just had to do that... Anyway, here's the chapter 8:

* * *

"Nervous?"

"No, of course not. Why would I be?"

"Liar." Draco told as Harry took the last breath from his cigarette.

"Am not."

"Are too." The blonde smiled. _God, he's sexy_, Harry thought. Draco was wearing a white wifebeater and a black long-sleeved shirt with two buttons open. He had black jeans which, if you don't mind saying, made his ass look _delicious_, and his hair was in some kind of just-out-of-the-bed-look. It looked really good on him. "Don't worry, you'll be great. And you look rather hot, too."

"I do?" Harry raised an eyebrow. He too had black jeans on, and a black t-shirt that said _It is here…_ His hair was more messed up than usually and he had a hint of eye-liner.

"Yeah. The one who leaves with you tonight is one lucky guy."

Harry opened his mouth to say something like _Maybe it could be you_ or something else as stupid when Devian came to them and told Harry that they were gonna start in thirty minutes. "I have to go."

Draco nodded. "I know. I'll go inside too. Maybe _I_ could find someone to take home for the night." He winked.

The other boy was hit by jealousy. "I think you won't have any problems with that." He muttered and followed Devian to the backstage. In the half way there a hand was placed on his shoulder and a pair lips were pressed on his. In a second Harry realized that Draco's arms were around his waist, his own arms were around the blonde's neck and their tongues were dancing together. At the door of the backstage Devian rolled his eyes and muttered "Teens…"

Carefully Harry pulled back. Draco blushed. "I- I'm sorry, I- I don't know what got into me, I-"

Harry put a finger on his lips to silence him. "Shut up." He told and kissed him again. Without tongue this time.

"I just thought I should wish you good luck." Draco whispered, still blushing.

Harry smiled. "You should wish me good luck more often."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. But I really have to go now. So um… I'll see you later?"

"Definitely."

"Very funny."

$--$--

"That was so cool!" Devian announced as they entered the backstage. "I wanna do that again!"

"Me too. Gosh, it felt good!" Rory laughed.

"But I feel better, right?" Devian asked with a hint of concern in his voice. "I mean, I must feel better. Playing bass in front of a crowd can't be better than sex-"

"I don't wanna hear this!" Cat exclaimed and put hands on his ears.

"He's really boring." Devian told and wrapped his arms around his precious boyfriend. "But I'm better, right? You can't have sex-"

"Still don't wanna hear this!"

"You can't have sex with your bass!" Devian shouted to Cat and then turned to Rory. "So I'm better?"

"Yes, of course you're better. Now, stop saying sex in front of Cat. It makes him uncomfortable." Rory told and kissed Devian's hair.

"Yes, daddy." Devian obeyed with a very innocent voice. Cat covered his eyes as he had just imagined something rather unpleasant. "What?"

"Nothing. Where's Harry?" The boys looked around. Harry was nowhere to be seen.

"My guess is with Draco." Devian told.

"He looked really hot tonight." Rory said with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I just said he looked hot."

"There was a tone. I swear there was a tone."

"What tone? There was no tone."

"There definitely was a tone. Tell him, Cat!"

"I'm staying out of this." Cat said and pretended to be interested in the fruit bowl. Harry walked in. "Harry!" Cat cried. "Look guys, Harry's here!"

"I missed you too, Cat." Harry smiled sweetly. "Mr. Granger wants us to play here next Friday. I hope you guys have nothing against it 'cause I already said yes."

"What, no record-deal?" Devian asked. Rory kissed his cheek and muttered something about Devian being silly. The dark haired boy kissed the red haired one and soon they were in a full snogging-session.

Cat cleared his throat and turned to Harry. "So, where's Draco?"

"He's waiting outside. Gosh, Cat, he's just so amazing!" Harry breathed and sat on the couch. "I don't think I've felt this way with anyone before."

"What? You're in love with him?"

"No, I don't think so. It's too soon." The raven haired teen told with a dreamy look in his eyes. "But maybe someday."

"Then what are you still doing here? I think you'd rather be with him than with us." Cat said softly. Harry smiled.

"Yeah, you're right. But I need to get my guitar." He got up and went to get his guitar. "Cat? Why he makes me feel like I'd be living in clouds?"

"Ask Rory or Dev. They're better at these things than me."

"They're rather busy at the moment."

Cat turned to look. "I see. Well, I dunno, Hardy. Just leave, he'll wonder where you are."

Harry smiled, said bye and left. Draco was waiting for him, smoking. The green eyed boy raised an eyebrow. "You smoke?"

Draco jumped. "Gosh, you scared me. Yes, I smoke. Didn't you know?" Harry just shook his head. "I hope it doesn't bother you 'cause I'm not going to stop anytime soon." Again Harry shook his head. "Harry, are you alright?" This time the teen nodded. Draco laughed. "So, where you want to go?"

"W-what you mean where I wanna go?"

"To celebrate of course! That was your first show ever!"

Harry smiled. "Yeah. I don't really care where we are." He said and went closer to the blonde. He threw his cig away. And before Draco had the time to protest, Harry kissed him.

xlxlxlx

"Cat doesn't like this."

Devian looked up. "What?"

"He doesn't like this. Us."

"Of course he likes us. He's been our friend for years."

"No, I mean he doesn't like _us_. He doesn't like you and me being together." Rory told and stopped walking. He sat on a near by bench.

"You mean what happened earlier? He just doesn't want to imagine us having sex." Devian said. He didn't sit down. "He didn't have a problem with your first boyfriend."

"Yeah, but now it's you I'm dating. You're his best friend for fuck's sake."

"Why am I different from Alexander?"

"Because we kiss in front of him. Alexander wasn't his friend. He didn't have to realize that I'm gay 'cause I didn't show it to him. He knew it but I didn't show it. Now we're both showing it."

"Are you telling that Cat's really a homophobe?" Devian was starting to get mad. How could Rory say something like that?

"No, you idiot. I'm just saying that what we have is bothering Cat. And I think you should talk with him about it."

"We already did!"

"Yeah, when you told him. Now he has had the time to think about this." Rory said and stood up. He didn't like fighting with his boyfriend. Who did?

"Oh please. Just because he feels a little uncomfortable when we're in the middle of a snogging session, doesn't mean he's a homophobe."

"I never said that!"

"But that's what you meant!"

"I only say what I mean!"

"So you think Draco really was hot tonight?"

"Don't you change the subject!"

"Was he?"

"Yes he was! He's always fucking hot!"

"So you'd rather be with him than me? If he's so fucking gorgeous?"

"God, no! Gee, Dev, when you became such an ass?"

"The same time you started accusing my friend a homophobe!"

Rory sighed. "I never said that. Damn, Dev, you're such a child. I just said that Cat may not be entirely comfortable with you being gay. And that I think you should talk with him about it. That's all I said."

Devian stared at the ground. Then he looked up. "I think we should break up." He whispered.

"What?"

"If I'm such a child. Why would you wanna date a child?"

"Dev, we're having a fight! That's what you do in a relationship, you have fights. You can't leave me every time you don't agree with me."

"No, I'm gonna do it just this once."

Rory looked at him in disbelief. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Devian nodded. "Yes."

"But… I love you."

"So you say."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"I'm a child, how could you love me?"

"Well, you're definitely not making it easy." Devian didn't answer. "But it's not supposed to be easy. You really think I don't love you?" The raven haired teen shook his head. "Good. 'Cause I do." Rory stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Devian's waist. "I don't really think Draco's hot."

Devian laughed. "I'm sorry that I said that you think Cat's a homophobe."

"I'm sorry that I called you a child."

"I'm sorry that I almost broke up with you." Devian whispered. Rory pressed his lips on Devian's and hugged him tight.

* * *

A/N: You know I'll love you if you review?

**reviews: **

**D EDMUN: super soon? Um... Well, this isn't super soon, but... Anyway, I'm glad you like it. silver emerald eyes: Of course I get your lame excuse. You get my lame excuse, right? (I don't even have one) I'm glad you liked the chapter. I'm too tired to write anything more here, but... Anyway... I have Monster Allergy - comics here somewhere, too. (I stole the name, bad me!) DemonRogue: Thanks**


	9. Lord Voldemort

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and Co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The song _Sister Misery_ belongs to the bandCharon. I am **not** anyone of them.

**warnings: **Slash. Cutting. Cursing.

**songs:** Sister Misery by Charon. Come tonight by Charon is mentioned.

A/N: I'm back! With a chapter! After two months. Not the point. Anyway, I won't be keeping you from reading this any longer, so go ahead;

* * *

Friday night. It had been two months when they performed at Ravenclaw the first time. Now it was their fourth show there and still no record-deal. Devian was only one anxious about it. He and Rory were doing fine at the moment. Not good, but not bad either. Devian still had not talked to Cat about his and Rory's relationship and it pissed Rory off so much that they fought about it almost everyday. Devian always told Rory about timing.

Harry and Draco had been officially together for seven weeks. Draco's parents knew nothing about this and they spent most of the time at Harry's. Being loved by Harry was very good for Draco. He hadn't cut himself for five weeks, though it was still difficult with his parents. He refused to discuss about anything that went on in his house with Harry, who thought it was better to wait and let Draco tell when he was ready.

"What are you listening?" Harry asked Cat as he took off the purple haired teen's headphones and put them on his own ears.

**All we cried comes crawling back  
Before it burns my world  
Tonight, we'll sing our sorrow  
Sing our sorrow song**

Harry took the headphones off. "It's good. What is it?"

Cat showed him the album cover. "_Lord Voldemort_. It's a new band from San Francisco. It's very good.

Harry took the album from Cat. In the cover was the bare upper body of a young man who had black wings, long black hair, black lips and black eyes. Above him read _Lord Voldemort_ with blood-red letters and below him was the name of the album with the same blood-red letters: _Songs of Sorrow_. On the back of the album was a picture of the band; four young men and a young woman.

"I think it's better than _Endymion_." Cat told. "Listen."

**You don't need to cry  
I can show what it's like  
For you to spare you from this pain  
You're forever here  
You're forever here in my heart  
And I love to die for you**

"It's good." Harry stated. "What's the time?"

"Twenty past eight."

Harry stood and left Cat listening more of _Lord Voldemort._ It sure sounded good.

-

Two hours and ten minutes later Harry entered the backstage again, fresh from the stage. Devian was all over the place, as usual.

"That was so cool!" He stated and jumped around the room as Mr. Granger entered the room with an older man and a younger man who Harry found familiar, but didn't know who he was.

"Well done, boys!" Mr. Granger told and Devian stopped jumping and sat on the couch next to Rory. "You were great, as always. There are some people who'd like to meet you. This is Cornelius Fudge, you may have heard of him." The older man stepped forward.

"The manager of _Endymion_ and _Lord Voldemort_." Cat knew and shook hands with the man. "Nice to meet you. Cat Darling."

They all shook hands with Fudge and introduced themselves. "It's very nice to meet all of you. You played very well tonight." The young man coughed behind him. "Oh, yes, I'm sorry Tom. Let me introduce you…" The man stepped next to Fudge and offered his hand to Harry.

"Tom Riddle."

Cat gasped as Harry took the man's hand. "Harry Potter." Now he knew why he had looked so familiar. He was in the back of _Lord Voldemort_'s album; he was the vocalist of the band.

"Tom sings in a very promising group, _Lord Voldemort_. They have already sold gold with their first album, which was released three weeks ago." Fudge told proudly.

"You played well tonight." Riddle told, ignoring Fudge. "You have a good future ahead, I can tell."

"Y-you think?" Harry asked, finally taking back his hand.

"Yes. And I, I mean we, the band, would like to help you with that."

"How could you do that?" Devian asked. He had returned back to the couch.

"We are having a concert in Godric's Hollow in three months and we need a warm up." Riddle said firmly and then melted into a wicked smile. "Are you interested?"

"I dunno." Harry answered blankly and turned to the others. "Are we?"

"As long as we don't have to wear dresses." Devian said nodding. Rory gave him a very odd look.

"Dresses?"

"Never mind. It just popped into my head…" The raven haired teen mumbled.

"And if the show goes well," Fudge started. "And the audience likes you, we could maybe offer you a record-deal."

"Excuse us." Harry told Fudge and Riddle and gathered the band near the couch. Their heads were almost touching. "Well?"

"Of course we're going, they're offering a freaking record-deal!" Devian cried, whispering.

"Yeah, but only if the crowd likes us." Rory told.

"It's not easy to please a crowd. It's cool in a small place, when most of the audience came here just to see us." Harry stated.

"It's _Lord_ _Voldemort_ who we're supposed to warm up. You really think their fans won't like us?" Cat asked the obvious.

"I heard a song from the radio, _Sister Misery_. It was a lot like us, we could've played it." Rory whispered.

"I dunno, maybe we should ask our parents first. I mean, we are only seventeen." Harry suggested.

"I'm gonna be eighteen in two weeks." Cat informed.

"And I will be eighteen in a month and Harry in seven weeks. Dev's the only one under eighteen when it's show time."

"We should still at least check with them."

Devian was getting frustrated. "Oh c'mon!" He shrieked. "It's a fucking record-deal! We have the opportunity to play in Godric's fucking Hollow with _Lord_ fucking _Voldemort_ and you want to ask your parents? Oh please, when have any of you ever asked your parents about anything doing with _Brandon Lee_?"

"He's got a point there." Cat admitted.

"So we're doing it then?" Rory asked.

Harry bit his lower lip and looked at the others' faces. "Yes, we're doing it."

"Thank you!" Devian bellowed and they all turned to Riddle and Fudge.

"Well?" Riddle questioned. "Are you interested?"

"Yes." Harry replied. "We are very interested."

Riddle smiled. "Very well. If you'd give your number to Cornelius here, he'll get in touch with you and you can get over all the details." Harry took a pen and paper from the table in front of the couch and wrote his number on it and gave it to Fudge.

"Thank you. Now, we must be leaving. Tom has to be in San Francisco tomorrow. I'll get in touch." Fudge told and they said goodbyes before the two men left.

"Wow." Devian stated as the door was closed and they were alone again.

-

"What are you doing?" Draco asked as he was lying on Harry's bed when Harry himself was beside his desk with his computer.

"I'm at _Lord Voldemort_'s website." Harry mumbled.

"Well, you're being really boring. Come to bed with me." The blonde told.

"Yeah, in a sec."

Draco sat up on the bed. "Your boyfriend asks you to come to bed with him and you say 'in a sec'?"

Harry cracked a small smile. "'Your boyfriend' huh?"

Draco stood up and came behind Harry. "What does it say?"

Lord Voldemort_ was founded in March 1999 by Tom Riddle (vocals), Bellatrix Lestrange (guitar)) and Severus Snape (bass). Peter Pettigrew (drums) joined the group in April of the same year and Fenrir Greyback (guitar) soon after that. The group coming from the dark streets of San Francisco published its first single _Sister Misery _in April 2005. The latest single _Come tonight _was released only two days before releasing their first album _Songs of Sorrow _in July 2005. The album has already sold gold. _

"Fascinating." Draco stated and kissed Harry's neck. "Now, be a good boy and come to bed with me."

"These guys were together six years before releasing a single album. We have been together only 3 years." The sitting teen told, directing the words to no one in particular.

"No, _we_ have been together only for seven weeks." The blonde corrected. "Seriously Harry, I'm really happy for you and _Brandon Lee_, but if you rather surf in the internet than spend some quality time with me, I'm going home, what I'd rather not do." He said and sat on the bed again.

"Okay…" Harry muttered.

"Okay?" Draco repeated. "If that's what you think then I'll go! And I don't think I'll bother coming back!" He cried and stood up, furious.

"What? What did I say?" Harry woke up from his trance and turned to Draco. "No, baby, I didn't mean it. I just wasn't listening. Of course I want you to be here with me." He stood up as well and wrapped his arms around the grim faced blonde.

"You were totally ignoring me."

"Yes, I know. And I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just so excited about all this. I'm really sorry, baby." He gave the blonde puppy eyes. "Forgive me?"

"Don't look at me like that."

Harry cracked a smile. "Why not?"

"Because I can't stay angry at you when you look at me like that."

"Good."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"You're a silly boy, Draco." Harry told and kissed Draco's nose.

"I have to be, I'm dating a silly boy myself." He smirked.

"Aren't you funny today?" Harry mumbled closed the gap between their lips.

"Everyday, my dear, everyday."

"I've noticed." Harry whispered to his skin as he was kissing Draco's neck and snaking his hand under the blue eyed boy's long-sleeved shirt, trying to take it off. Draco refused and pushed the hands away. "Baby, why not?" The green eyed one asked, as he had asked the question before. "It's only a shirt. And you have another one beneath it."

"You know why, I've told you." Draco said, sitting on the bed once again. Harry sat next to him.

"No, you haven't. You just say 'no' and change the subject. Are you hiding something?"

_Yes!_ "No, of course not. What could I be hiding?"

_Scars?_ "I dunno. A tattoo?"

Draco let out a laugh. "No, no tattoo. Harry, I'm not hiding anything."

"Then take the shirt off."

"It's cold in here." He protested.

"It's freaking August, it's not cold. Babe, what are you hiding? I swear, no matter what it is, it won't change my feelings for you." Draco didn't answer. Harry sighed. "Fine. I really don't get it why you can't tell me. Maybe you just don't trust me enough, I don't know. But it's fine. You'll tell me when you want to." Draco still didn't answer. "Boys are coming soon. Practice starts." Now the blonde stood up.

"I'll go." He said as steps were heard from the stairs. "See you tomorrow?"

"I have a lot of homework." Harry whispered as Devian opened the door after a quick knock.

"Oh, sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No." Draco replied, swallowing. "Not at all." Then he left.

"Whoa. What happened here?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Harry told and took his guitar. "Let's go."

-

Draco closed the door of his room after him and sat on the floor. Crying, he took the long-sleeved shirt off and revealed the several scars in his left arm. He did not want Harry to see these, but neither did he want to hurt him. And as long as he couldn't give him a proper excuse why he wouldn't take the shirt off, he was hurting him. Harry felt like he didn't trust him enough, Draco knew that. Maybe he didn't.

Draco reached for the small table next to his bed and took the small knife in his hand.

_I'm a fucking idiot. No wonder Harry doesn't want to see me tomorrow. Lot of homework… Lot of homework, my ass! _He brought the knife against his pale skin, right beneath his shoulder. _He hates me. _The knife cut into the flesh._ He hates me. _And the blood was released._ He hates me…_

* * *

A/N: Well? Tell me.

**reviews:**

**doxie: I skipped it intentionally. grin: My school starts in a week. Damn. I don't want to go there. But hey, what can I do? I appreciate that you understand my non-existing lame excuses. Oui, c'est la vie. Anyway, thanks for liking and reviewing, I'll try to update more often. bloodNdarkness: I'm glad you decided to read it. I've never really thought about Devian's name... But yeah, I guess it's classy. :) **


	10. You need to know

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. No money is made by this.

**warnings:** I wrote this like a week ago so I can't really remember. Lots of angst!

A/N: Oops, this took a lot longer than it was supposed to. Please forgive me.

* * *

"Draco? Come here."

The boy in question had tried to sneak to the door and out of it, but his father had heard him. Of course, he always did. Draco obeyed and sat down on the living room couch.

"What now?"

"Don't say 'what now' in such tone, my dear boy. It is not polite." Lucius Malfoy told his son as he tried to decide if he should drink his gin now or maybe after Draco had left.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

He decided after and put the glass down. "Well, Draco, you went to school today, did you not?"

"Of course I did. What kind of question is that?" Draco told rather hastily. His father smirked.

"Parents always have to doubt, Draco. Sometimes the doubts are correct."

"Well, I haven't done anything wrong if that's what you're asking." The younger Malfoy snapped. He was feeling slightly vulnerable under the gaze of his father.

"I'll decide what is right and what is wrong. Your mother told me you have been spending a lot of time with that boy across the street, Henry."

"Harry." Draco corrected. He didn't like the direction this conversation had taken.

Lucius waved his hand as in it didn't matter. "What is your relationship with this boy?"

"He happens to be my friend."

"Only a friend?"

Draco froze. "Y-yes, of co-course." He stammered out. "You don't think I'm a…?"

"Well, you never know, do you? After all, the way we have raised you has been rather liberal."

"Yeah, if you consider sexual abuse and violence liberal." The words were out of his mouth before he even had the time to think about them. Draco slammed his hand on his mouth and his father seemed rather surprised too.

"Is this boy, Harry, your boyfriend?"

"Dad-"

"Is he? And I will find out if you lie to me."

"Father please-"

"Draco, I'm warning you. Are you more than friends with him?"

Draco sighed. "Yes." He finally whispered.

"Have you had sex with him?"

"Why is that important?"

"Have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"Good. Keep it that way. Now, go."

"But.-"

"Draco, do not play with me."

"No, I think you're the one playing here."

"Have you told him?"

"So we're changing the subject again, are we? No, I haven't told him. What makes you think that I would want anyone to know how sick and fucked up you are?"

Lucius didn't answer. He stared at his son, who had now stood up, for a while and then spoke again. "If you ever talk to me like this again, I will send you back to London and you will never see your precious Harry again. Do you understand me?"

"I'm eighteen, you have no power-"

"As long as you live on my money, I have all the power." Lucius told and then repeated his question.

Draco nodded slowly, left the living room and the house and ran across the street.

-

Harry was on the couch in a rather weird looking position with his legs up to the ceiling and was watching _Howl's moving castle_. He groaned as he heard the doorbell rang and stood up (_"I finally found someone worth protecting with my life. You."_). He made his way to the door and opened it. "Draco? What are you doing here?"

The blonde gave him a shy look. "May I come in?"

"Of course." Harry stepped aside and shut the door after Draco. "Is everything ok? You don't look too good?" He asked and followed as the other boy wandered in the living room.

"I need to tell you something. About my father." Harry turned off the TV and they sat down. "I want you to promise that you won't tell anyone."

"Draco, what's going on?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Promise me."

He sighed. "I promise."

Draco swallowed and nodded. Maybe he shouldn't do this? "My father hit me the first time when I was two years old. But that's not what I'm here to tell you." He told when Harry opened his mouth to speak. "When I was six years old, I… My father… He came into my room to say goodnight but… He… He kissed me then. It wasn't like a fatherly kiss. It was like… Like with you and me. He told me not to tell anyone, ever, not even my mother. He kept coming every night, he kissed me and touched me. I didn't like it, I told him that. I told him many times that I don't like it. I begged him to stop, but he just hit me and told me to be quiet." He looked at his companion.

"Yes?" Harry whispered.

"I never told anyone. This is the first time I talk about this."

"Go on."

"I… I lost my virginity when I was eleven. My mother was in Paris, I was alone with father. When mother came back, I told her what had happened. She slapped me and called me a liar. She yelled at me. She told that she's ashamed of having me as her son. How could I accuse my own father of doing something so terrible? She of course told him what I had said. He beat me up pretty bad after that. He made me believe that it was all my fault. That if I hadn't been so bad, it wouldn't have been necessary to him to do what he did." Draco swallowed. He was close to tears. "After we moved here, he hasn't touched me. Not once. He knows that I'll soon be stronger than him." Silence fell between the boys. Quiet tears rolled down on Harry's cheeks.

"You must tell the police." Harry told with a broken voice and dried his tears.

"No."

"Draco, please, that man belongs to jail!" He cried.

"No! He is my father!" Draco stood up and turned his back to Harry. The black haired boy also stood up and wrapped his hands around the blonde's waist.

"Draco, I… I love you."

"No, you don't. How could you? I'm ruined and rotten."

Harry tightened his grip. "How couldn't I love you? What your father did doesn't make you ruined or rotten. Why…" He hesitated. "Why did you tell me now?"

"Because… I wanted to tell you before…"

"Before what?" He whispered and made Draco face him.

"Before I'd give myself to you."

"Give yourself to me…? You mean…? Oh." The blonde nodded slowly. "Oh." Harry repeated. "Um… I don't… I don't think we should-"

"Why not? Don't you want me?"

"No, it's not that! I do, of course, I want you! I want you more than anything else but-"

"But what? I don't understand." Draco gave Harry a very puzzled look and sat back down on the couch.

"Of course you don't, you're British." Harry muttered quietly. Not quiet enough.

"Oh please, even you or anyone of your _American_ friends wouldn't understand if they were in my position! First you try to lure and seduce me for weeks and then you sulk and won't talk to me when it doesn't work and now when I'm finally offering myself to you, you say no!" Draco yelled standing again.

"Well maybe you shouldn't offer yourself! It makes it sound like you don't even want it! Like you'd give in just to make me happy! No, I want you to want it as much as I do!"

"I do want it! I wouldn't have come here in there first place if I didn't want it! I told you everything only because of that!"

"So you didn't really wanna tell me? You want to just get laid?"

"No! I- Oh, just forget it!" Draco burst out and made his way to the door.

"No, Draco, wait!" Harry cried and shut the already open door right in front of Draco's nose. "I'm sorry. I just… I don't want you to regret it."

"Why would I regret it?" The blonde whispered as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Harry wiped it away.

"If you do it for the wrong reasons-"

"Are wanting you and loving you wrong reasons?"

Harry gently kissed him. "No. They are perfect reasons." Draco pulled the raven haired boy into a deeper kiss and his hands made their way under his shirt. Harry moaned into the kiss and started unbuttoning Draco's shirt. The blonde pulled away.

"Wait."

"What's wrong? Did you change your mind?"

"No, I just… Need to show you something before…" The sentence faded as Draco unbuttoned his shirt all the way and took it off.

"Oh my god." Harry gasped as he saw the scars on Draco's arm. "Dray, I- Oh my god. So this is why…?"

"Yes." He nodded. "So now you know." Harry didn't reply. He just simply kissed the scar right beneath Draco's shoulder and then kissed his way back to his lips. Suddenly they heard someone coughing.

"Mom, dad, what the hell-" Harry cried as he and Draco jumped a meter away from each other and Draco quickly pulled his shirt back on. "I- I mean, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until, eh, later?"

James Potter looked rather stunned and couldn't get a word out of his mouth, but his wife just smiled sweetly. "Your father had forgotten to make a reservation and the restaurant was fully booked. Now, what is going on here?"

"Um… You remember Draco, don't you?"

"Yes. Hello."

Draco nodded briefly. Lily Potter grabbed his husbands arm. "If you'll excuse us." She smiled and dragged James inside the house.

"I better go."

"I'm sorry." Harry kissed Draco softly before he left and then went to his parents into the kitchen. "Mom, I-"

"Why didn't you tell us?" His mother interrupted.

"I wasn't sure how you'd react."

"So you thought it would be better if you just let us catch you in the action?"

"Mom!"

"Don't you 'mom' me, young man! How long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?"

"Well, _this_!" Lily pointed the front door with her hand.

"You mean me and Draco?"

"Of course she means you and _Draco_." James spat the name like it was poison. "Answer your mother, Harry."

"About four months."

"Four- _Four months_!" Lily's jaw dropped and she buried her face into her hands.

"And, well, since when have you been... Well… Like…" James seemed to have a really hard time saying it.

"Gay? Ever since I was born, I think."

"Don't get smart with me, boy! When did you realize you were…?"

"Gay? I dunno, I guess I've always known." Harry whispered the last sentence and started to stare at the floor. His father sat on one of the kitchen stools and buried his face into his hands. His mother sighed and took a paper towel to dry her eyes and face. She was crying.

"Go to your room, Harry."

"But-"

"Now!"

Harry gave one last desperate look to his parents before heading upstairs. Why did they have to react like this? Like he had done something terribly wrong? It's not like he had gotten drunk and burned a bench in the park, like Susan. It's not like he had slapped his mother in the face, like Sara. He had simply fallen in love. Why was that such a huge crime? Oh yeah, because Draco was a boy. If Lily and James had caught Harry with a girl, they would've just asked them to continue somewhere else.

Harry lay down on his bed, took his cell and dialed Draco's number.

"I'm so sorry." Draco immediately told without even bothering to say 'hello'. "Did I get you in trouble?"

"No, you didn't get me anywhere. My folks are just overreacting, that's all. Actually, I was wondering if I could maybe come over and we could perhaps continue?"

"You think your parents will let you come?"

"I'm not planning on asking them."

"Harry…" Draco sighed with a very disapproving tone.

"Draco…" Harry sighed with the exactly same tone, mocking the blonde.

"Fine. My parents are leaving in an hour to some party at father's office."

"I'll see you in an hour then." Harry smirked and put the cell away. Now he only had to figure out a way to sneak out. Oh well, his parents were probably still so freaked out about their son being gay so they probably won't notice a thing what goes on around them.

After an hour had passed Harry tiptoed downstairs and carefully peeked into the kitchen. Lily and James were still there, fighting each other this time.

"This is all your fault! If you had been home more often he would've had a model of a man in his life!" Lily sobbed. Her eyes were red and face wet, so she had obviously been crying for a while now. "Soon he'll probably want to wear women's clothes!"

Harry didn't want to stay and hear James's answer. He had always thought that his parents were little off. Now he was sure of it. Silent as grave he walked out of the door and then ran across the street.

"I've been waiting." Draco smirked as he opened the door and Harry rushed in.

"For what?" Harry winked and was already half way in the stairs. "Are you sure your folks are out the whole evening? I really don't feel like getting busted twice in a row."

"Yes, I am sure, thank you very much." Draco pretended to be offended by Harry's doubts. The raven haired teen just smiled and burst into his boyfriend's room.

"Ooh, I haven't been here for a while. Wasn't this place, um I dunno, darker?"

"Well, after you came along I haven't been feeling so dark anymore." Draco whispered blushing. Harry placed a kiss on his cheek.

"That is the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me." He whispered and dragged the blonde onto the bed.

* * *

A/N: I'm really not in the mood to write what would happen next, but I'm pretty sure that everyone can fill in the blank. I'm really, really sorry that this took so long.

Thanks to all who reviewed earlier. I'm feeling lazy after New Year... But thank you very much. Review again.


	11. Asshole Idiot Yankee Perfectionist

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The songs _Rapture of Lust _and _Dear Carniwhore_ belong to For My Pain... . I am **not** anyone from that band. No money is made by this. I am just simply playing my dirty mind. 

**warnings:** SLASH _SHLASH _**SLASH**, meaning romantic and sexual action between two males. In this chapted we will have some of both, the romantic action and the sexual action. There is also cursing and yelling. And I'm not responsible for any heart attacks or other attacks this chaper may cause.

A/N: I'm so sorry, please don't kill me.

* * *

"_The crestfallen one / Drowned into lies / Your promises in beautiful disguise-"_

"Oh my gosh, do I really sound like _that_?" Harry asked with a rather disgusted voice.

"You see now what we've had to put up with all these years?" Devian grinned, earning a slap in the head from Rory.

"Ignore him, Harry. It sounds great. You're just being overcritical."

"I wanna do it again." Harry told with a serious tone. "Can I do it again? Tom?"

"Hm?" The man sitting in front of the mixing table looked up. "Well, I don't think you need to." He said and messed his blonde hair with his hand. Tom Riddle, who happened to play the part of _Brandon Lee_'s producer, changed his hairstyle at least once a month and this time it was long and black in the front and otherwise short and blonde. Harry wasn't satisfied with this answer.

"Could I do it one more time? If I can't do better we'll go with this."

Devian rolled his eyes. "Harry, it's ten past midnight, we need sleep."

"Well, I don't need you and Rory here, now, do I? Cat went to sleep hours ago, didn't he?" Harry snapped.

"Fine, no need to bite my head off." Devian muttered and he and Rory left the studio, holding hands. Tom gave Harry an amused look.

"Harry, it's great, you don't have to sing it for the sixth time."

"I don't want it to be great, I want it to be perfect."

The part-blonde grinned. "Fine, you little perfectionist. You remind me too much of myself when I was doing my first recordings." He laughed as Harry stepped back in the booth.

-

"…_I will take your heart because you took mine."_

"If you say you want to do it again, I swear-" Tom started, making Harry laugh.

"No, don't worry, I'm too tired to even think straight." He sighed and sat on the pale green couch, rubbing his face. "Shit."

"What?"

"I forgot to call Draco today."

Tom stood up and came to sit next to him. "So? You can call him in the morning."

"But I promised to call today. I mean yesterday. Whatever. I didn't call the day before that, or the day before that. I haven't seen him since we got here and he's moving out of his parents' house this weekend and I know it will be really hard for him."

"How so?"

"He… doesn't really get along with them."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. You'll call him first thing in the morning." He said and let his hand rest on Harry's shoulder.

"I'm not sure if I want to. Last time I called him all we did was fight." Harry sighed, shifting a little so Tom could rub his shoulders.

"What about?"

"How I'm always busy these days. That we never see each other anymore. That I care more about this band than him." The raven haired boy let out a low moan as he felt his muscles relax.

"He just doesn't get the industry, yet. Trust me, once you get your album finished, you'll be ten times busier and you won't even have time to fight."

"Sounds great." Harry mumbled, leaning back against Tom's chest.

"Doesn't it?" Tom whispered into his ear. Harry shivered as he felt Tom's hot breath against his skin. The older boy's slender fingers found their way to the younger one's chest and began massaging the tight muscles there. Harry let his head fall on Tom's shoulder. He let out another throaty moan as the fingers traveled closer to his waist. But then Tom's fingertips found skin. Harry grabbed his arm, panting a little.

"Tom." He whispered, squeezing his arm.

"You want me to stop?"

"I…" Harry started, standing up and facing the other male. Tom leaned back against the couch and let Harry just look at him. Harry opened his mouth to speak but couldn't get a word out of his mouth. "Goodnight." And so he left the studio. He ran the stairs all the way up to the second floor where he shared a room with Cat, who had been fast asleep for hours. He lay down on his bed, not bothering to take off his clothes.

For a moment he had wanted to basically rip off Tom's clothes and… Well, do something he didn't even dare to think. What was wrong with him? He loved Draco, why would he want to do anything with Tom?

Because he missed Draco so much. Of course! He had been away from him for ages, he just wanted someone to touch him and he had only mixed Tom to Draco for a moment. Yes, that must be it.

-

"Rise and shine ladies!" A voice that most certainly belonged Devian announced and an achingly bright light filled the room. Both Harry and Cat groaned and pulled their covers over their heads. "Oh c'mon, you've slept like twelve hours already. Get up!"

"Twelve hours ain't enough." Cat's muffled voice stated. Harry and Cat both sensed how Devian rolled his eyes.

"You're such drama queens. C'mon Cat, we're going out to shop today!"

"I don't wanna go out and shop."

Devian laughed. "Oh please! Even you don't believe _that_. Hey, we're going shopping in San fucking Francisco. I know you want to. And Harry's not coming." He smirked as it would settle the deal.

Harry shot up in his bed and stared at the smirking boy with a rather shocked expression. "What'd you mean 'Harry's not coming'?"

"You're staying here."

"Yes, I figured that out when you said that I'm not coming. Why am I not coming?"

"You have recordings, remember? You have to record the guitar and vocals for what the fuck was it… _Dear carniwhore_ or whatever." Cat mumbled sleepily as he finally got out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom.

"Oh yeah. So you're leaving me here alone with Tom?" Harry asked, rather alarmed.

"Yeah." Devian nodded. "Why? It hasn't bothered you before."

"No, it doesn't bother me, I just…"

"You just what?"

"Never mind, you just go and have fun."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, of course." Harry cracked a small smile with an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.

-

"No, Harry, stop, come here for a second." Tom interrupted for the third time and Harry got out of the booth. "Sit down."

Harry sat and gave Tom a puzzled look. "What?"

"What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing's wrong." He lied, not looking at Tom.

"Does it bother you what happened last night?" The practically blonde asked.

"Nothing happened."

"Exactly. Then why are you so crappy today? Every time I've heard you play you've been excellent, incredibly good and fantastic. Now you just simply suck."

Harry still wouldn't look at him. Then he remembered something. "Can we take a break? I need to call Draco."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. You better not suck after that."

Again Harry ran the stairs all the way up to his room and grabbed his cell phone that lay on his desk. "C'mon, answer me." He muttered impatiently. "Baby! I'm so sorry I didn't call you yesterday."

"Why didn't you?" Draco's voice asked. He sounded like he had been crying.

"I lost the track of time and when I remembered it was already midnight. I thought you might've been in bed already and I didn't wanna wake you up. I'm sorry, honey." Harry explained leaning back against his pillow. "Is everything ok? You sound like you've been crying?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Of course I am. Look, I have to go now, dad wants to see me."

"I guess you'll have to go then. I love you."

"Yeah, you too. Bye."

The connection was cut off before Harry had the chance to say 'bye' back. _Well that was weird…_ He stood up and went down to the living room of the first floor and found Tom curled up on the couch watching MTV. He sat on the other end, keeping his eyes at Tom.

"How was he?" Tom asked softly. Harry shifted closer to him, ignoring the question. Soon they were only an inch away from each other. "What are you doing, Harry?"

The boy in question bit his lower lip and then leaned closer and pressed both of them against Tom's cheek. He let out his tongue and licked the soft skin. The other male turned his head, just a little bit, so that they were lips against lips. They both shifted so Harry could toss his other leg on the other side of Tom's body and cautiously he licked the older male's lower lip, requesting for entrance. The blonde moaned, letting Harry's tongue to slip in and grabbing his waist and pulling it closer to his own torso. He pulled Harry's shirt up a bit and their lips parted so the shirt could be removed entirely.

Tom instantly attacked Harry's neck and collarbone with his lips, making the boy moan and whine for pleasure. "Tom… God…" He gasped as Tom's fast lips moved down to his nipples. He pulled them both down so that he was lying on the couch and Tom was lying on top of him, kissing, licking and biting his upper body.

Harry ripped his shirt off too and smiled in awe at the gorgeous god-like body. Tom smirked as he noticed this and gently stroked the skin right above Harry's pants, asking for the permission to go further. The younger boy grabbed the older one's neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss, answering all questions. But then, when Tom was just about to unbutton Harry's pants, the phone rang.

The voice from the real world seemed to snap them both out of some kind of trance. Tom basically dived to the phone and still panting he answered it. "Riddle. Oh, Snape, what kind of time is this to call, huh? Wha-? I wasn't fucking, what kind of question is that?"

Harry, also still breathless, buried his face into his hands. What the _fuck_ was he doing? If Draco ever found out, he'd be as good as dead. He was too freaked out to notice that Tom had come off the phone and had now crawled next to him.

"So what now?"

Harry removed his hands from his face. "That can _never_ happen again. I have a boyfriend, who I happen to love very much."

"You started it." Tom simply stated.

"You didn't stop it."

"Hey, I'm not the one with a relationship here. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You almost fucked an unavailable guy."

"It's your responsibility to keep your teenage hormones under control." Tom snapped and stood up. "Where in hell did you throw my shirt?"

"Hey, just because I'm a little younger than you- Don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Harry jumped up and followed Tom to the second floor and into the blonde's bedroom. "You're just as much to blame here, you know!"

"Why? Why am I to blame? You just about threw yourself at me. What was I supposed to do? Push you away even though I want you just because you have a boyfriend? It's not my job to be your fucking conscience!"

Then out of nowhere, Harry jumped to the yelling man and pretty much attacked him with his lips. They stumbled to the bed and fell on it, Harry on top.

"Okay, now I'm saying that you have," Sigh. "A boy-" Gasp. "Friend and what we're doing is," Moan. "Wrong." Tom blurted out as Harry nibbled his collarbone.

"I don't care." Harry murmured against his skin. "I want you too much."

"Are you… Good god!" Tom gasped as Harry's teeth found the most sensitive spot on his skin, which happened to be on his left hipbone "Are you sure?"

"Don't ask me so difficult questions when I'm horny." Harry smirked and quickly unbuttoned and unzipped Tom's pants.

"You're wearing too many clothes." The blonde muttered and unbuttoned the raven haired boy's pants and slipped them off.

"Better?" Harry sighed as Tom's fingers lightly stroked his growing erection.

"Much." Tom cracked a smile and suddenly he was on top. His hand gently rubbed Harry's thigh and the smile turned into a smirk. "I think we need something."

"Oh god yes…" Was Harry's simple but yet so… commanding answer. Still smirking like a cat that had just drank his cream, Tom reached to his drawer and took a small bottle into his hand. He covered two of his fingers with the lube and inserted the first one inside Harry, softly stroking him the whole time. Then he added the second finger, pumping them in and out, making Harry pant harder and harder.

"I suppose you've done this before." Tom smirked.

"Hell yeah…" Moan. "Gosh, just… fuck me already."

"Impatient, are we?" But he did cover his manhood with the lube and pushed himself inside Harry.

After a while, when the pain had gone and pleasure had replaced it, when both of them were moaning the name of the other and other words that couldn't be understood, silent tears started to stream upon Harry's cheeks. Salty tears mixed with salty sweat and he didn't even know he was crying. But he was.

Tom licked Harry's cheek and bit his ear, tormenting him with his hot breath against his skin. Finally, moaning and screaming, Harry found his climax, scratching Tom's back with his pathetic excuses of nails, and soon after Tom released himself inside him. He collapsed on the bed, panting. Slowly he turned to his side and pressed his lips against Harry's. But he pushed away and Harry sat up, now finally realizing that he had cried the whole time.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm an asshole, that's wrong." The raven haired male spat and put on his boxers and pants. "Where's my shirt…?"

"Downstairs. You said you didn't care."

"I know, and I didn't."

Tom raised his upper body so he was leaning on his elbows. "Now you do."

Harry nodded, standing up. "Yeah. I'm really sorry. About everything."

"I know. But I'm not. Regret ain't my thing, you know."

"I've noticed." Silence fell between the men as Harry wiped the mix of sweat and tears away from his face.

"We don't have to record the song today, if you don't want to."

"No, I can do it. I just need to take a shower first." Harry left the room and went to his own. He stepped into the bathroom he and Cat shared with Devian and Rory and turned on the water. It burned his skin red like a lobster but he didn't care. Guilt was burning him inside and outside.

-

"Hey, you guys had fun working?" Devian grinned and jumped on Harry's bed. The boy lying on the bed groaned. "I'll take that as a no. Guess what I bought?" No answer. "Fine, be that way." Devian snapped, pretending to be insulted. "I'm just gonna go annoy Cat then."

But Harry wasn't left in peace. Rory sat on the bed next to him. "What's wrong, Hardy?"

"Nothing."

Rory ripped the hand away from Harry's face and forced him to open his eyes. "You've never been that good of a liar. C'mon, tell me. Did you screw the song completely?"

"No, the song is fine."

"Good. So we can go home tomorrow. You get to see Draco again. You should be excited."

"I know. And I am excited."

"Oh please, you call this excited? You lie there like a fucking dead fish." Harry cracked a small smile at this. "Oh my god, he can smile? It's a miracle! Seriously, Harry, what's wrong?" Silence. "Did something happen with Tom?" No answer. "So it did. Did you fight?"

"No."

"Okay, did he try to take over your place in the band?"

"No."

"Well, did he… tell you you're a crappy singer?"

"No."

"Did you fuck?" Silence. Rory gazed down. The word 'guilty' was written all over Harry's face. "You didn't?"

"I didn't mean it to happen. It just did. Draco was acting all weird in the phone and then I was kissing Tom and then the phone rang and we yelled at each other and then I jumped him and suddenly his cock was inside me!" Harry cried, sitting up.

"Okay, I don't need to hear the words 'Tom' and 'cock' in the same sentence. But… Don't you love Draco?"

"I do!"

"Then why…?"

"Because I'm an asshole idiot! I don't know. Draco was acting really weird in the phone when I called him and I suppose I felt like I wasn't, you know, wanted. Tom wanted me."

Rory sighed. "Harry, darling, you can't go cheating on your boyfriend every time he acts funny. What you think is gonna happen when he finds out?"

"He's gonna break up with me." Harry whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "First he's gonna kill me and then he will leave me. Then he will find someone who's worth having him and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. Alone and miserable." More tears started to stream down the flushed cheeks. "I can't tell him, Roy. I just can't."

"You have to. What if someone else tells him? Then he'll know that you've been lying to him."

"Not telling isn't the same as lying-"

"Yes, it is. When it comes to cheating, it is exactly the same. Harry, if Devian ever cheated on me, I would want to hear it from him."

"But then you would kill and leave him?"

"Well, I would definitely kill him," Rory wiped Harry's tears away. "But I don't think I'd leave him. I love him too much, I couldn't live without him. I would find a way to forgive him."

"But-"

"But nothing. Draco can't forgive you if he doesn't know what you've done. You need to tell him."

Harry swallowed. "Okay."

-

"Harry!" Draco shrieked, much like a girl, and jumped to him like a cat, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." Harry whispered as he pushed the blonde away. "Drake, we need to talk-"

"Yeah, in a minute, just come check out my flat first. I can't believe I have my _own_ flat." The blonde practically dragged Harry into the small living room/kitchen/bedroom.

"Your what?"

"My _flat_. Gee, Harry, do you have to be so American? My apartment. My own home."

"Why don't you stop being such a British snob-" Harry started with a wide grin. Draco glared at him.

"Very funny, you American idiot." He smiled softly and sat on the very small and old looking couch. "Come here." He muttered and pulled Harry on top of him. Gently he pressed his lips on the raven haired one of the boys and suppressed a smile when he felt him kissing back. The blonde slipped out his tongue and licked Harry's lower lip for entrance. It was soon granted and as his tongue rushed to explore the mouth, his hands rushed to explore the body. After a moment he pulled away, leaving them both gasping for air. "Why are you wearing a turtle neck?"

"Because," _My neck is full of marks you didn't make_. "I decided to try something new. You like?"

"Nah. Sorry, you don't look too hot in it." Draco told, earning a playful smack in the head. "So what did you wanna talk about, you violent Yankee?"

"I-" Harry started but the words were caught in his throat. _Just say it!_ But he couldn't. "I love you."

"Was that it?"

Harry lay his head down on Draco's chest, breathing in his scent. "Yeah."

"In that case, I love you too."

Soon Draco was asleep, but even though his steady breathing was soothing, Harry couldn't sleep. He felt a big knot in his stomach. A knot he knew wasn't going to open anytime soon.

* * *

A/N: Like I said, please don't kill me. Review, but don't kill me. I'm so sorry. 


	12. Truth hurts

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. Rory, Cat and Devian do belong to me so keep your dirty hands off of them. Thank you.

**warnings:** well, the whole story is slash and at this point I shouldn't have to warn about it anymore. But this chapter contains angst, hints of self-harm and violence.

A/N: Long time no see. Oh dear... But I'm here now with a brand new chapter. I'm so sorry it took so long but I was really busy with school and all. Now, I'm on my summer break so I should and I will update more often. Now, if you're still with me, go on and read. And then review. I love reviews.

* * *

"Well?"

Harry looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Well what?"

Rory sat down across him and took a sip from his coffee. "Did you tell him?" Harry gazed down, not answering. "Harry!"

"I tried! I really did, but I just couldn't do it. He seemed so happy to see me again and… He kissed me!"

"Yes, boyfriends do that. Harry, you have to tell him before he hears it from someone else. Before he hears it from Tom."

The desperate look on Harry's face changed into panic. "He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know? He slept with a guy who has a boyfriend, can you really expect moral from him?"

"Shut up, Rory. This is all my fault, don't make it his."

"I'm just saying that you should open that pretty mouth of yours and tell Draco before it's too late."

Harry sighed. "I know. I just… He will hate me!"

"Who will hate you?" The boy in question asked as he sat down next to his boyfriend. Harry blushed furiously as Rory stood up and excused himself, giving Harry a very meaningful look. Draco raised an eyebrow. "Who will hate you?"

"Um… Remember the other day when I said that we need to talk and all I said that I love you?"

"Yes…" Draco nodded, starting to feel insecure. "What about it?"

Harry looked around in the rather crowded coffee house. "We can't talk in here. C'mon, let's go to my place." He stood up, took Draco's hand and led him out of the coffee house. He had too moved into his own apartment as soon as possible. After his parents had found out he was gay, home had become a very uncomfortable place to live.

Fifteen minutes later Harry was sitting by his kitchen table, opposite to a very confused looking Draco.

"Well?" The blonde questioned. "I already figured that I'm the one who will hate you, but could you tell me why I will hate you?"

Harry swallowed. This was it, there was no going back anymore. "Draco, I… When… The last day… When we were recording the album in San Francisco… I… I slept with Tom, but I swear it meant nothing, it wasn't even supposed to happen, it just did and I couldn't stop it, I'm so sorry!" He looked up, cautiously.

Draco just stared at him, shocked. He couldn't get a word out of his mouth, he couldn't even think properly. But when Harry warily touched his hand, he exploded. "What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you?" He shrieked and jumped up. "What the hell were you thinking? I can't believe you did that to me!"

"Draco-"

"Fuck you, Harry! Why? Why did you- Don't I mean anything to you?"

"Of course you do! You mean the world to me-"

Draco let out a bitter, teary laugh. "Then obviously the world means nothing to you!" He leaned against the kitchen counter. "Why?" He whispered then. "Why did you do it?"

"I…" Harry wiped the single tear from his cheek. "I missed you so much and then you acted all weird in the phone and… I just wanted someone to… Want me."

"Just because I'm a little cranky-" Draco started to yell but then took a deep breath. "I want you. And I wanted you then. I was just tired and- Fuck, why am _I_ explaining? I want you, Harry, but obviously I'm not enough for you." His voice was full of loathing that made Harry shiver.

"Of course you are!"

"I am not! If I was, you wouldn't have gone to someone- You wouldn't have gone to _Tom_!" It was his time to wipe the tears away from his face. "I suppose you didn't wear the polo shirt because you wanted to try something new."

"Draco…" Harry started, but didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry. It meant nothing, I swear." He finally whispered and flinched when Draco opened his mouth again.

"I don't care! You did it all the same!" He took a step to the door. "I have to go."

Draco was already at the front door when Harry ran after him. "What happens now?" He asked, scared of the answer.

"I don't know. I have to think this over and… I don't know."

-

"Rory?" The red-head flinched as he felt the hot breath against his skin.

"What?"

"What's up with Harry?" Devian murmured, practically pressing his lips against Rory's ear.

"What'd you mean?" Rory asked with a normal voice and stepped away from his boyfriend's mouth.

"What'd you mean 'what'd you mean'? Can't you see that he's completely depressed?" He pointed his finger towards the young man sitting on a leather couch, trying to look interested, happy and excited while drinking his head off.

Rory cracked a small smile, a fake one. "He's probably just tired. C'mon, just have fun tonight, ok? It's not like you to worry." He took Devian's hand and squeezed it. "Relax. You love parties, especially album releasing parties, so enjoy while you still can."

Devian gave Harry one last worried look but soon an enthusiastic smile spread on his face. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I am. Now go get wasted so I can take advantage of you when we get home."

"Honey, you know you don't have to get me drunk for that." Devian winked and disappeared into the crowd. Rory planned to go see if Harry was ok, but;

"Rory m'boy! How are you?" Cornelius Fudge exclaimed with a wide smile, grabbing Rory's hand very roughly.

"I- I'm great, thank you." Rory managed to stutter out in his surprise.

"Yes, of course you are, this is a big day for all of you."

"Yes, very… Big." Rory tried to smile. Fudge still hadn't let his hand go.

"Yes, indeed. Well, you go and have fun. Soon you'll be too busy for that." The short man laughed and practically pushed Rory away. He gave a quick look to his hand, which was completely red, and then went down to sit next to Harry.

Harry himself was trying to pay attention to the discussion of the moment, which was about all new bands sounding the same. He was failing badly and when Rory sat down, he gave up and dropped his head on the red-head's shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Hardly. I suppose you haven't seen Draco, have you?"

"No, I'm afraid not. So I assume he didn't take it too good?"

Harry let out a short, humorless laugh. "Actually he took it better than I thought. I expected him to slap me or something. I wish he'd done that. But no, he just cried and yelled and looked so fucking disappointed and betrayed." He rubbed his face. "Oh, fuck it. I'm gonna go get a drink." He stood up and walked up to the bar.

"Hey."

"Shit."

Tom laughed. "Nice to see you too." He snickered, but the smile faded as he realized that Harry wasn't looking too cheery. "What's wrong? This should be the greatest day of your life as a musician and you sulk?"

"Well," Harry started, took his drink and turned to look around in the club the party took place. "Look around, Tom. You see something missing?"

He looked around. People dancing, laughing, drinking, having fun. What could be missing? …Oh yeah. "So you told him, huh?"

"Yep."

"And he… Dumped you?"

"No, not yet. But he will after he has recovered from the shock."

Tom smirked and placed his hand on Harry's hip. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Well… True, I'm not. But tonight is not the night to be sorry. I can be sorry for you in the morning, but now… I'd rather just go dance."

"Go ahead."

"With you."

-

Draco took a deep breath. He might or might not want to go in. And he might or might not be on the list. But this was Harry's big night and no matter how Harry had hurt him, he still loved him and wanted to be there. He would just say congratulations, have a drink with Cat or Devian or someone else and then go home. Yes, that was the plan. He stepped forward and the scary looking man at the door gave him a questioning look. "Name?"

"Malfoy, Draco."

He checked the list. "Have a nice evening, sir." The man told and let Draco go pass him.

Okay, he was in now. The plan didn't seem so good anymore. He was just about to turn back and leave when,

"Draco!" Devian exclaimed and before the blonde even realized it, he was sitting on a leather couch and he had a drink in his hand. "Where in the hell have you been? No wonder Harry's been sulking all night! Oh who cares, you're here now! Cheers!"

A drink was carried in front of him after another and another and Draco couldn't recall anymore why he had come there in the first place. His 'one drink, say congratulations and go home'-plan was completely forgotten after the fourth drink and soon he found himself from the dance floor with Devian.

He grabbed Draco's waist and pulled him closer. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot." He whispered in his ear. "You want to see Harry, don't you? C'mon, let's go find him." Before Draco could protest, Devian had already dragged him to the table where Rory and Severus Snape were deep in conversation, about bass guitars of course.

"Hey, you guys seen Harry?"

Rory's head shot up. "Um… He was at the bar five minutes ago, but-"

"I saw him go to the men's room maybe a minute ago." Severus told, sipping his pink drink with an umbrella.

"So he should be back shortly." Devian told, to no one in particular. Then he grabbed Draco's shoulders and made them both sit down. "Look what I found!"

Rory, who hadn't noticed Draco until now, almost choked on his beer. "D-Draco! What brings you here?"

Devian cocked an eyebrow. "He came to celebrate his boyfriend's big day, of course." He said, like it was the simplest thing in the entire world.

"Y-yes, of course." Rory muttered rather uncomfortably.

Draco himself looked around in the case he would see Harry anywhere. And then so happened that he saw him. With Tom Riddle. Draco's slightly drunken eyes narrowed. Tom had his hand on Harry's waist. The now green haired man whispered something into Harry's ear, making him giggle. Yes, _giggle_. Then, Harry finally saw Draco staring at him and his smile faded and his expression switched into slight panic.

"Excuse me, I have to go." Draco told Devian and the rest and stood up to leave. He was half way to the exit when he felt someone grab his arm.

"Draco-" Harry looked extremely anxious. "Draco, I can explain-"

"Don't bother." The blonde spat. "I see you're already completely over me."

"But I'm not! Draco, he was just trying to-"

"Trying to do what? Get you in bed again? That shouldn't be too hard, as you've already done it once."

"No!" Harry cried. "He was just trying to cheer me up! It's not like that, I don't want him!" And as to assure Draco, or himself, he pressed his lips against the blonde's. But soon he felt something hard hit his face. He trembled backwards and covered his nose with his hands. He gazed up at Draco, who held his fist with his other hand.

"Don't fucking touch me ever again." And he was gone.

Harry stared at the spot Draco had stood just a few seconds ago when people started to run towards him.

"Harry!" Devian exclaimed, confused. "Did he just punch you? Why did he punch you?"

Harry straightened and looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. So he was bleeding. Perfect.

-

Draco walked home, tasting the salty tears streaming down his cheeks to his lips. He unlocked the door, stepped in and locked the door again. He didn't bother to undress himself before collapsing on the bed. He tried his tears on his pillow and then he stood up again. Walking in the kitchen he took a bottle of red wine from the fridge. He drank straight from the bottle and started to look for his pocket knife. He had never been good at dealing with emotional pain. He preferred turning it into physical one.

Finally, he found it in the small freezer, where Harry had hid it the first day he had returned from San Francisco. He wasn't a fan of Draco's hobby, if you could call cutting yourself a hobby.

Draco sat down on the floor, leaning against the fridge. He rolled up his sleeve and took a one last sip of the wine. Before, he had cut himself above the elbow. Now, he pressed the blade much lower.

* * *

A/N: The smack, or the punch, whatever, is dedicated to Vampire Angel of Death. The person in question knows why.

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews I've received. Push the 'Go'-button and do it again!


	13. My Draco?

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The song _Die a little more_ belongs to Lovex. I am **not** anyone of the band. Although, Rory, Cat, Devian and Angel are mine.

**warnings:** smoking. harry/tom-pairing. draco/oc-pairing. do I need to say more?

**song:** Die a little more by Lovex

A/N: Back so soon? Yes, I got an inspiration and I'm already half way through the chapter 14. Be proud, people. Now, if you read the disclaimer, you see that there's a new name. Who the hell is Angel? Not telling. You have to read it. I'm mean I know.

Oh, and someone asked something about timeline.. At the end of chapter 12, it had been about a year since Draco first moved to across Harry. And now, it has been 14 months since that, so from the very beginning it has now been about... twoand a half years.

* * *

-14 months, one North-America tour and one British mental hospital later-

Draco Malfoy walked down the main street of Hogsmeade, on his way to the grocery store. It was a rather chilly day, it was late March, so he had chosen to wear a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt and a also black long-sleeved shirt on it and on the top of it all, he had a black, what a surprise, corduroy jacket, a white and black striped scarf and matching mittens. His blonde hair was pointing to every direction possible and he had five silver earrings on his right ear.

He passed a record store and stopped dead to his tracks as he noticed a poster on the window. It was advertising for _Brandon Lee_'s new single, _Die A Little More_. Draco snorted and continued walking.

He hadn't spoken to Harry or to anyone in the band since that night. He still wore wristbands to cover the scars he had on his wrists. While he was sitting there, on the kitchen floor, bleeding, he realized how stupid he was. Who tries to kill themselves because their boyfriend cheated on them? He had thought that after he moved out from his parents house maybe he could start a new life without I-want-to-kill-myself-thoughts, as the reason of those thoughts was no longer around.

He had called to his godfather, who was the leading doctor in a mental hospital in the UK. They had talked for hours in the phone and two days later Draco had flown to England and spent there 11 months. Now he saw a psychiatrist once a week, worked in a local clothing store, which was specialized in gothic and punk clothes, and flirted frequently with the handsome cashier of the grocery store he was now heading to. Things were finally going great for Draco Malfoy.

"But I want banana ice cream!"

Draco froze. That voice sounded frighteningly familiar.

"Harry and Cat told us to bring chocolate ice cream and we can't afford both. Stop whining."

As did that. Cautiously, Draco peeked behind the shelf and saw exactly what he had dreaded.

Rory Moore was holding a chocolate ice cream jar while Devian Hawk stood in front of him, pretending to sulk.

"How about I buy you a lollipop?" Rory suggested. Devian opened his mouth to answer something rude, but then his eyes widened.

"Draco!"

Rory spun around and Draco cursed in his mind.

"Draco Malfoy, is that you?" Devian asked, grinning maniacally.

The blonde stepped forward and gave a small smile. "Yeah, that would be me."

"Oh my god!" The black haired man shrieked, very lady-like, and pulled Draco into a hug. "How are you? Where have you been? What are you doing here?"

"Um… I'm fine, thanks. Everywhere. I came to buy something to eat for the night." He held up the frozen pizza and the jar of orange juice. "How about you?"

Rory gave him an awkward smile as Devian started to list how they were, where they have been and what they were doing there. "…because we're having the opening of spring, which is crazy because it's practically still snowing out there. But hey, you should come!"

"What?" Came from two mouths, Draco's and Rory's.

"Yeah! Wouldn't that be great? You would get to see everybody again and all."

"Eh…" Draco shrugged. "Thanks, but I already have plans, but-"

"Maybe some other time?" Devian suggested, taking Rory's hand.

"Yeah, maybe. Now I really have to run, but-"

"See ya around."

"Yeah, exactly." Draco almost ran away. He sighed heavily as the handsome cashier called Angel gave him a sympathetic look.

"Rough day?" He asked and flashed an amazing smile.

"Rough last five minutes." Draco corrected and returned the smile, giving Angel a few wrinkled bills. He was just about to leave when,

"Um, I've been meaning to ask like thousand times before…"

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to go out for a coffee with me sometimes?"

Draco felt himself blush. No one had ever asked him out for a coffee before. Not even Harry. "Eh, yeah, sure, why not."

Angel grinned. "Great. So um, how about Friday? At _Rose's_? Say… six o'clock?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'll see you there." Draco left the grocery store with a wide smile on his lips and slight blush on his cheeks. But when he reached the record store again, the smile faded. He sighed again and stepped in.

-

"Guess who we saw?" Devian cried the minute he stepped inside Harry and Tom's brand new apartment, taking the lollipop out of his mouth. Rory bit his lip, he had just opened his mouth to ask Devian not to mention Draco to Harry.

Harry himself was in the kitchen, took his finger out of the bowl of whipped cream and licked his finger, giving it an approving nod. "Who?" He asked then.

"Draco!"

Harry almost dropped the bowl. Quickly he put it on the table and gave Devian a disbelieving look. "Draco? My Draco?"

Tom, sitting on the table next to the bowl, cleared his throat.

"I mean, Malfoy? Draco Malfoy?"

"Yep." Devian declared, ignoring the slightly grumpy looking Tom. "We ran into him in the grocery store. Damn, he's even hotter now than back then."

"Really?" Harry gave Rory a questioning look as Tom wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. Rory merely shrugged.

"Oh you were there, you saw him!" Devian smiled. "I mean, if I wasn't completely in love with Rory here, I would so-"

"Dev." Rory told with a warning tone.

"But never mind because I am so deeply in love with Rory." He paused. "I asked him join us but he had plans for the night."

"What plans?"

"I dunno, he didn't say, but he did seem awfully familiar with that cute cashier."

"Why do you care what plans he's got?" Tom asked, rather coldly, and pushed Harry away from his arms. Sensing the danger, Rory took Devian's hand and led him out of the kitchen.

"I don't, I just-" Harry started but didn't know how to continue. In stead, he decided to put the chocolate ice cream Rory and Devian had brought into the freezer.

"You just do. I thought you were over him."

"I am! I just-"

Tom gave Harry a very meaningful look. "Are you?"

Harry sighed and rested his arms on Tom's shoulders. "Yes, I am. It's just… I haven't heard from him for over a year and I didn't know if he's still in the country, dead or alive, anything. We never actually cleared the air after… Well, after and I just want him to be ok." Tom still looked doubtful so Harry pecked his lips and smiled softly. "But you still are the one I'm madly in love with." He whispered, not quite believing himself.

-

Draco shoved the pizza and the orange juice into the fridge, put the CD he just bought into his player and pressed play. Harry's voice, the one he had deliberately avoided for months, filled the room.

_Why didn't I embrace  
__Those days you spent with me  
__For now when I look back in time  
__It's too easy to see_

_While I lived my dream  
__I was seeking a fantasy  
__And here I lie all alone again  
__Drown in memories_

Draco sighed and fell on the couch. Why did he buy this CD again?

_You're so far away from me_

_I live to love again  
__But it won't do you any good to see me  
__When I die a little more  
__And all the vanity  
__Has vanished from my world  
__Just to show me  
__How I die a little more_

Like the scars on his wrists weren't enough to remind him of Harry and how happy he had been with him. How it all had been taken away from him. Because of that Tom fucking Riddle.

_I'm bound to stumble  
__Everytime I try to fly  
__Can't get up, can't take a breath  
__I fall down, I cry_

_No light in the end  
__Storm after the rain  
__Only thing that I've got left  
__Is the blood inside my veins_

Draco hadn't thought about Harry since Christmas and now all the memories were flooding back into his mind. He didn't want it, he didn't want to remember all that pain again. Things were just going well, he would have a date on Friday and he had stopped hurting himself a while ago. He just had to buy the CD, didn't he?

_You're so far away from me_

_I live to love again  
__But it won't do you any good to see me  
__When I die a little more  
__And all the vanity  
__Has vanished from my world  
__Just to show me  
__How I die a little more_

Draco wiped the silent tears away and sat up. This was all in the past. Future was what counted, and he would have a date in the near future. But still, a small nagging voice told him that he still loved Harry. He ignored it.

-

"I didn't know you smoked."

Harry let out a short, humorless laugh. "I've been taught by the master."

Rory nodded. "Ah, yes, Tom 'The Nicotine' Riddle. It's not good for your voice, you know."

Harry sucked his cigarette and blew out the smoke. "I know. I've been meaning to quit, but I need an excuse to get out every now and then."

The red head leaned on the railing of the balcony. "Why you need to get out?" He asked. "I thought you two were madly in love and all that shit?"

"We're not. We're here because Draco and I broke up. It just happened and neither of us asked any questions. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. This seemed like the life I wanted and needed, but when Dev told that you saw Draco…"

"You got second thoughts." Rory finished the sentence for him.

"Yeah. It's been a while. I mean, maybe we, Draco and I, could start over? As friends maybe at first, but…"

"Harry," Rory sighed, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I know!" Harry cried, frustrated. "It's the worst idea I've ever had, but I just… I miss him."

-

"Hi."

A wide smile spread on Draco's face as he stepped inside _Rose's_ exactlyat six o'clock that Friday. Angel, who had been there for twenty minutes, stood up, also smiling. He brushed his black hair away from his green eyes and Draco suddenly realized the odd similarity with someone he once knew. It was rather disturbing, but he chose to ignore it. Angel was wearing a pair of black ripped jeans with two chains hanging from them and a black shirt with white pinstripes with grey wings on the back. A black leatherjacket was hanging on the chair.

"Hi." Draco greeted shyly and sat down, Angel following the example. He ordered a coffee from Rose herself and took off his corduroy jacket and striped scarf and mittens. "So…"

"So, um, this is gonna sound really stupid at this point, but… I don't exactly know your name." Angel cocked an eyebrow as he stirred his coffee with a spoon.

Draco blushed, but then offered his hand. "I'm Draco. Draco Malfoy."

Angel took the hand. "Angel Parker."

Their hands separated and silence fell between them again. "Is Angel your real name?"

"Oh god no," Angel laughed. "It's Jesse. I was an angel in a school play when I was seven, because I had these oh so pretty blonde curls at the time. My classmates never forgot that I was the only boy-angel."

Draco gave Angel, or Jesse, a sympathetic look. "And now you're scarred for life."

"Yes, I'm planning on seeing a shrink because of my childhood traumas. Everyone, including my parents, have called me Angel since that and I don't even recognize myself if someone calls me Jesse. So I began to introduce myself as Angel." Angel finished and took a sip from his coffee. "Is there a big story behind your name, then?"

The blonde put his cup on the table and looked up. "Not that I know of. Maybe my mother had a secret lover called Draco and he's the one who's really my father. But I doubt it."

Angel laughed and they sat there, drinking coffee, talking and laughing until closing time. After Draco declared that he had an early shift tomorrow and Angel decided to walk him home.

"This is it. My humble home. Or my humble home is a part of this." Draco explained and blushed slightly as they stood in front of the five floor building. "I would ask you to come up but-"

"You have an early shift." Angel smiled playfully and stepped forward. "I know." He paused. "What are you doing on Sunday?"

"I don't know." Draco too stepped closer to Angel. "What am I doing?"

"You're coming to my place and I will cook for you and you get to meet Ky."

"Ky? Who's Ky?" Draco asked suspiciously. Maybe Ky was Angel's boyfriend and they wanted to have threesome with Draco? Hardly.

"Ky is my cat. Or my kitten, more likely. I just got it from my sister two weeks ago." The green eyed man explained and put a lock of blonde hair behind Draco's pierced ear. "So will you be there?"

"I don't know where you live?"

"Oh. Right. Meet me down here around… five?"

Draco gave a small smile. "Sure."

Angel grinned victoriously and softly pressed his lips on Draco's. "Good night."

Draco leaned against the door, in sudden need for support. "Good night."

* * *

A/N. In the next chapter Harry acts like desperate fool and Draco meets Ky and makes chocolate cake.

I. Love. Reviews.

Thanks for the lovely reviews. Do it again! _shares chocolate_


	14. Harry, Angel and Ky

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. Rory, Cat, Devian and Angel (and Ky) are mine so hands off please. Thanks luvs.

**warnings:** sexual action between two males, also known as SLASH. cursing. and... take a risk, be surprised.

A/N: Here again, I see? Why, yes, it's nice in here. Just read the damn thing.

Oh, and btw, because someone asked; Ky is pronounced Kai. As in the name Kyle.

* * *

Harry Potter didn't quite know what he was thinking. He did, however, know very well what he wasn't thinking. He wasn't thinking the right amount of chili as he cooked and the stew ended up three times spicier than it was supposed to. Tom now suspected that Harry wanted purposely damage his tasting organs. Harry didn't even hear that accusation, he was too busy staring out of the window.

Harry wasn't thinking about the pleasurable things Tom did to his neck as _X-men 2_ was playing on the background. He didn't think about the wicked smile on his partner's lips as he led the younger man into their bedroom and pushed him on the bed. He didn't think about the mixed pain and pleasure when Tom thrust inside him and to his climax he reacted only by a small whimper.

He didn't see the gloomy look on Tom's face as he lay down on the bed next to Harry, wrapping his strong arms around him. Neither did he hear the faint "goodnight" and the soft confession of love. His mind was wondering somewhere else, but he couldn't quite point his finger at what it was.

Thirteen minutes past two in the morning Harry finally realized what it was. As quiet as possible, he put his clothes on and tiptoed out of the apartment, leaving Tom staring after him, sad and angry.

Down at the street, Harry stepped into the nearest phone booth and started to go through the pages of the phone book. He found the right address soon, it wasn't a common name he was looking for. Twenty minutes later, he thanked the couple fixated on each other for holding the door open for him and ran the stairs up to the third floor. He rang the doorbell of apartment B 34 and waited.

He heard soft cursing and "Do you know what the fucking time is?" behind the door before it was opened. Harry cocked an eyebrow. Draco Malfoy stood in front of him, wearing merely a pair of black boxers and a very confused expression.

"Harry?" He asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Hi."

Draco stopped rubbing and took another look at the figure standing in front of him. "Hi."

Harry bit his lower lip. He had no idea what the hell he was doing there at this hour. But Draco sure looked gorgeous. _And fuckable. Completely fuckable_, he added mentally.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

He was slightly taken aback by the rudeness of the question and Draco saw that. "I mean, it's… three in the morning." The blonde yawned.

"I know. Can we talk?"

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

Draco raised an eyebrow, spun around and returned to the depths of his home. Harry followed and closed the door behind him. He found Draco in the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Thanks." Harry sat down and looked around. It looked like a normal kitchen. He noticed a CD lying on the table. _Brandon Lee: Die A Little More_. He suppressed a smile.

They waited for the coffee in silence and finally Draco placed a cup in front of Harry and sat down across him. He took the CD and threw it on the counter, next to his CD-player. Harry saw the scars on the blonde's wrists.

"Devian told that they saw you."

"Harry, why are you here?"

The boy in question took a sip of his coffee. "I…" He started. He took a deep breath. "I've missed you."

"I almost killed myself because of you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"It wasn't supposed to happen."

"I don't want to talk about it."

They fell silent. After two minutes and thirty-two seconds of silence Harry spoke again. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything. For hurting you, disappointing you… Betraying your trust."

"If you came to clear your conscience you shouldn't have bothered. It's too late."

"I'm not here to clear my conscience. I truly am sorry. I've been sorry ever since."

At that moment Harry was grateful that a look couldn't kill. "Then where in the hell were you that night?" Draco asked with a tone that could freeze the hell. "Where in the hell were you when I needed you to tell me you're sorry and you love me and you'll make things right again no matter what? Huh? Where were you?"

Harry didn't answer. He remembered where he had been. He hadn't run after Draco. He had stayed at the club, with Tom.

"I don't need, and I especially don't want you in my life." Draco stood up. "You know where the door is." He was about to leave the kitchen to return to bed when Harry shot up and slammed him against the wall, crashing his lips on the blonde's. Against the screams of his common sense, Draco started to kiss back. Harry pulled back, but still pressed Draco's hands against the wall, making it impossible to escape.

"Liar." He whispered huskily. "You still want me."

Draco didn't answer. Instead he kissed Harry, cautiously, testing. Then he tasted something weird. "Tom."

Harry blushed. "Yes, I've been with Tom for a year now."

"And I suppose you just fucked before you came here?" No answer. "Figures. Get the hell out of my home. Never show your face to me again. Do you understand me?"

"Draco-"

"No, Harry. You know where I was when you were making babies with your playboy? I sat behind locked doors, everything sharp taken away from me, thinking and blaming myself for what happened to us."

A single tear rolled down Harry's cheek. "I love you."

Draco smiled softly and kissed his old lover with the tenderness Harry would've never expected from Draco ever again.

"I hate you."

-

Angel was leaning against the wall as Draco came down, five p.m. sharp. The blonde rubbed his eyes at the sudden burst of spring sun and sighed.

"Rough day?"

"Rough night." Draco corrected. Angel cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, but didn't ask. Instead, he pecked Draco's cheek and they started walking towards Angel's.

Angel lived in the second floor of a five floored building, just five minutes away from the grocery store. "Welcome, to _Villa Angel_." He grinned as they stepped in. A brown and grey striped cat hurried to the door and rubbed itself against Angel's legs. "And this little devil," Angel lifted the cat up and it started to purr instantly. "Is Ky."

Draco smiled and petted the cat, making it purr louder.

"He likes you." Angel grinned and put Ky back on the floor. He led Draco to the small kitchen corner which led directly to the small living room. They were the same space but Angel had separated them by placing the couch to face away from the kitchen.

"So… What are we having?" Draco asked.

Angel smiled sheepishly. "Eh… You like Mac&Cheese?" Draco raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, I'm poor. But I did buy ingredients for a chocolate cake. I figured maybe we could do it together?"

Draco nodded and a wide, relieved grin spread on Angel's lips. Draco wasn't used to Mac&Cheese, cooking with other people, or being with other people in first place, but he found himself having the best time since- Well, since.

"I don't like to brag but that is some excellent cake." Draco grinned. He had done the biggest job preparing the cake as Angel had never made a chocolate cake and back in England, Draco had been famous of his mint flavored chocolate frosting.

"I know, I ate it." Angel smiled and shooed Ky away from the couch. He sat down as close as possible to Draco without touching him. Suddenly the blonde went very serious.

"Angel," He said, looking down at his hands. "I had a really great time tonight."

The black haired boy smiled. "I did too."

"But I'm a messed up kid and you don't want to get too involved with me."

Angel took Draco's hand. "How messed up?"

"I…" Draco took a sharp breath. "I'd rather not talk about it. But trust me, I'm more messed up than anyone you've ever met."

"Well," Angel took a grip of Draco's chin and forced him to look at him. "All the people I've met have been awfully boring. And not nearly as hot as you." He then leaned closer and pressed his lips on Draco's. And this time, Draco tasted nothing weird.

-

"And how exactly was that smart?" Rory asked, pretending to be confused. "Stop pacing."

Harry made a frustrated face and sat down. "I'm stupid, I know. Who goes to their ex-boyfriend and tells him they miss and love him? Who, I ask? Me!" He dropped his head against the table, earning a that-must-have-hurt-look from Rory, though he couldn't see it as his gaze was stuck on the table. "He started to warm up to me, you know."

Rory couldn't hide his surprise from his tone. "Really?"

"Yeah. But then he sensed that I had just fucked with Tom. He told me to never show my face to him again."

"I suppose that went well then."

"You think? Plus, Tom's pissed at me. He was gone when I got back home and there was a note on the fridge that said 'Had fun?'."

Rory patted the top of Harry's head. "You really know how to mess things up, don't you?" Harry didn't bother to answer. "Do you love Tom?" Rory asked then.

"I…" Harry lifted his head. "I'm not sure. I'm so used to having him around that I can't tell." He stood up. "No, I don't think I do."

"I see."

Harry froze. He glanced at the kitchen door and saw, who else but Tom. He seemed calm, but with a closer look you could see that his eyes were ice cold and burning at the same time. "So I'm just your toy you can play with when you feel like it?"

"Maybe I should leave…" Rory muttered and stood up.

"Take Harry with you." Tom told coldly and disappeared from the doorframe. Harry followed.

"Tom-" He started, giving the man a pleading look.

Tom took off his shirt. "I'm taking a shower. I want you gone before I'm done."

"You can't do that, this is my home too!"

"Fine, don't leave. But don't expect me to play happy home with you." He disappeared in the bathroom. Harry sighed and then checked the kitchen and the hallway. Rory had left. Harry took off his clothes and stepped in bathroom. The water was already running in the shower and Harry could see Tom's figure behind the glass.

He wrapped his arms around Tom's waist and placed soft kisses on his back. Tom shivered and turned around. He kissed Harry, hard, and then lifted him against the wall. As the green eyed man wrapped his legs around Tom's waist, he felt a shower gel covered finger enter him. Soon it was gone and Tom thrust into him. This time he was very well aware of the pain and the pleasure and also the cold wall slamming against his back over and over again. It began to be more painful than it was pleasurable and soon Harry found himself screaming aloud because of the pain.

Tom bit Harry's neck as he came. He dropped him on the floor and stepped out of the shower. Harry touched the spot he had been bitten and looked at his hand. Blood.

"You can't leave me like this!" He shouted.

"Go ask Draco to fix you!"

Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall. He was now officially screwed.

-

"Do you have to go?" Angel asked as he dropped kisses on Draco's lips, face and neck. They had tried to keep their hands away from each other now when the door to the stairway was already opened but it had proved to be impossible.

"We both have to wake up early tomorrow," Draco breathed heavily. "It's better if…" But his words faded as he took a hold of Angel's neck and pulled him closer for a deeper kiss. "I should go."

"Yeah." Angel panted, stepping back. "I can walk you home."

"No!" Draco almost shouted. "I mean- It's ok, you don't have to." Finally, he actually got himself out of the door and to the street. The sun had already set, the earliest stars had been sparkling for a while now. He breathed in the crispy air and couldn't help a smile. He had that funny feeling in the bottom of his stomach people get when they really, really like someone. Though, there was a voice in his head telling him that Angel would run screaming if he ever found out about Draco's gloomy past and self-destructive activities. He shook it away. Angel wouldn't do that, he wasn't like that. But then again, how did Draco knew that? They had met twice, if you don't count the numerous times Draco had bought groceries from him. What exactly does he know about this boy?

He knew that the boy looked exactly like Harry, except his hair wasn't as messy as Harry's and his eyes weren't as bright green. Draco had realized that earlier that day, after Harry's visit.

He also knew that he worked in grocery store, owned a striped cat called Ky and lived alone. He had one sister, Lisa, who had had her first child two months earlier, and a twin brother, Joachim, working in a comic book store. His father was dead and mother re-married with a rich banker called Mr. Calrose. Jesse was a high school graduate, currently working on his own graphic novel with his brother and dreamed of traveling to Japan.

But honestly, what did he _really_ know about him? The fact that he knew the whole family history of the Parkers did not mean he _knew_ Jesse.

"_And besides, you still love Harry."_

_I do not!_

"_You do too. Angel is just a copy of him, a replacement, until you swallow your pride and give Harry another chance. You don't _really_ care about him." _

_Oh, shut up. Angel has treated me better in five hours than Harry did in a year. I- _"Harry?"

Harry was leaning against the cold wall, shivering. He looked up. "Draco, I-"

"I thought I told you never to show your face to me again." The blonde whispered, digging his keys out of his pocket.

"I know, but please listen to me before you do anything. I swear-"

Draco took a deep sigh. "Why are you here?"

"I need a place to stay for the night. I can't go home."

"Don't you have friends? People who actually like you?"

Harry frowned. He hadn't even thought about that. "I… Please Draco. Just one night, I'll sleep on the couch and I'll be gone before you wake up."

Draco unlocked the door. Something in Harry's voice, his eyes, made it impossible to deny. He sighed, again, very deeply. "Fine. But don't talk to me. At all."

Harry nodded and Draco led him to his apartment. He sat on the couch and received a blanket and a pillow from Draco. Then the blonde disappeared into his bedroom and left the green eyed singer alone. He sat there, in the darkness, for quite a while before Draco opened his door and leaned against the doorframe.

"Why can't you go home?"

"I- We- It's over."

Draco nodded. "Do you love him?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Never did."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'll go home in the morning after he's left, get my stuff and find some place to stay. Maybe Cat's or Rory and Dev's."

The blonde cleared his throat. "So, they are still happy? Rory and Devian?"

"Yeah." Harry smiled. "Yeah, they are. Rory told me he's going to offer Dev a ring."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They can't legally get married, but a ring still means something, doesn't it?"

Draco didn't answer. They stood and sat in silence for a long while.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For letting me stay here tonight. I didn't really expect you to and I'm really grateful that you did."

"This means nothing. I was in a good mood and you just happened to be there to take advantage of it." Draco turned on his heels and closed the bedroom door behind him. Harry stared after him. Slowly he lied down, closed his eyes and, after several minutes, fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: In the next chapter Rory asks The Question, Draco has a problem and Harry becomes homeless.

THANK YOU my lovely reviewers. I'd appreciate itif you did it again.


	15. Define forever for me

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her.

**warnings:** cursing, fluff, character death

A/N: I'm baa-aack. Wether it's a good thing or not, you decide. But I have really nothing to say tonight, except read please. Thanks.

* * *

-Two weeks later-

Harry sat on the couch of Cat's apartment, staring at the wall in front of him. Three hours earlier the place where he had lived with Tom about a month had been sold and they both had received an equal amount of money. Tom already had a new home in San Francisco, but Harry was temporarily crashing at Cat's. Rory sat next to him, looking rather nervous.

"What the hell am I doing?"

Harry turned his head to face him. "Calm down, Ry. You're going to propose to your boyfriend and he's going to say yes and then you're going to pretend that you're married and live happily ever after."

"Oh be serious here." Rory snapped, taking the ring from his pocket. "What if he says no?"

"He won't." Cat told like it was more obvious than the fact that the sun was shining. "Are you asking tonight?"

"Yeah." Rory muttered. Then he choose to change the subject. "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"Of course we're still on." Cat smiled. _Brandon Lee_ would be doing a show at Ravenclaw the following night. "Granger just called and made sure everything's cool."

Rory sighed heavily. "I think I'm going to throw up." He mumbled, standing up. "I got to go. I have a ring to offer. Bye guys."

"Let us know how it went!" Harry shouted after him before the door was slammed shut.

-

"So, um, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Draco let out a small giggle as Ky walked over his chest over and over again and finally lay down on his stomach. "Eh, nothing, I think. Why? You've got something in mind?"

"Yeah." Angel called from the his bedroom as he pulled his T-shirt off to replace it with another one. "I thought that maybe we could go to the Ravenclaw to see _Brandon Lee_."

Draco sat up abruptly, making Ky hiss at him and run away. "Wha- But- I've already seen them." He told. _And the award for the lamest excuse in the history of lame excuses goes to… _

"Your point being?"

"Um… I don't like them."

_Draco Malfoy!_

"Oh please, I've seen your record shelf. You've got their album _and_ their new single, and you're telling me that you don't like them?" Angel came to sit on the floor next to Draco. "You can tell me why you don't want to go."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "I can?"

"Yes, you can." Angel leaned closer to kiss him. "Now, spill."

He looked down at his hands. "I kind of went out with the singer for a while and the end wasn't so pretty."

"What happened?"

"I, um, he, well, nothing." Angel gave him a look. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Okay. But you do understand that this is your chance to show me off to him and make him jealous because you're going out with a hottie like me."

Draco laughed. "Oh really? Well you sure are confident."

"And confidence is key." Angel grinned and knocked the blonde on the floor again, sitting on top of him. He began dropping wet kisses on his neck, making Draco moan softly.

"But I'm still not going."

Angel stopped. "I'll pick you up at eight." Then he went on, now trying to snake his hands under Draco's shirt. But just like Harry's hands two years earlier, his hands were too pushed away.

"I should go home." Draco whispered, sitting up. Angel sat on the floor again.

"Why?"

"It's late."

"No, I mean, why do you always push me away?"

Draco sighed, standing up. "I'm not ready yet."

Angel stood up as well and took his hand. "Okay. It's okay. But you don't have to go."

"Yes, I do. I'll see you later." He muttered and pecked his cheek.

"Tomorrow. I'll see you _tomorrow_." Angel corrected.

"I'm not going." Draco argued for the last time but they both knew that he would go.

-

"I'm home!" Rory called out as he closed the door behind him and took his shoes off. It was Devian's little obsession; no one was allowed inside with shoes on.

"In the kitchen!"

Rory made his way into the kitchen. Devian's back was turned to him as he was clearly cooking something. "I thought I told you that I would cook for you tonight?" He asked, wrapping his hands around Devian's waist.

"You did?"

"I think so, yes."

"You did! Crap. I totally forgot." Devian turned around to face his boyfriend. "I'm sorry, baby. You know how my mind goes completely blank sometimes."

Rory softly kissed the forehead of the shorter man. "It's okay. I just wanted you to get some rest tonight. As I never cook."

"I like cooking." Devian stated, hugging him. "And I don't need to rest."

Rory merely sighed. The first thing gone wrong; checked! Maybe he shouldn't do it after all… "What are we having?" He asked then, peering at the rather colorful mess on the frying pan.

"Chicken and vegetables." The dark eyed grinned and turned his back to the red-head again.

"What ever happened to the bacons and sausages?"

"They're erased from the menu for all eternity. They make me fat. You know how easily I gain weight."

Rory nuzzled his face against Devian's neck. "I love you." He whispered. Devian brought his hand to gently touch his cheek.

"I love you too." He turned to face him again and shoved his hands into the back pockets of Rory's jeans. He frowned. "What's this?"

"Nothing!" Rory cried, stepping away but Devian was already holding the ring on his hand. The second thing gone wrong; checked!

"What's this?"

"Um… It's a ring."

"I can see that. What is it for?"

Rory cursed in his mind. The next time Cat tells you _not_ to keep the ring in the pockets of your jeans, listen to him. Finally he took a deep breath. This was it. "It's for you."

Devian cocked an eyebrow. "For me?" Rory nodded. "In what finger?" He asked shakily. Rory took the ring from him, and gently put it on the ring finger of his left hand. Devian gasped.

"Devian Alexander Hawk," Rory began, ignoring the shocked look on the boy-in-question's face. "Will you permit me the honor of being there by your side for the rest of our lives?"

"Oh my god…" Devian breathed. "For the rest of our lives?"

O-oh… Was this a good sign? "For the rest of our lives."

"But…" This definitely wasn't a good sign. "We're not allowed."

"True, but I know that you're mine and I'm yours, forever, without some priest or judge telling me so." Rory paused. "Do you?"

Slowly a wide smile spread on Devian's face. "Yeah, I think I do." They hugged and kissed, only to be parted by Devian laughing. "We need to get you a ring too."

"Yeah, I know." Rory rested his forehead on Devian's. "Monday is payday."

"We'll get it then."

"Dev?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I already say that I love you?"

"Yeah, you did. But you can say it again, I don't mind."

-

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_!"

Harry looked up, tearing his eyes from his guitar. He saw Devian going through his bag, cursing loudly. "What's wrong?"

"I forgot my drumsticks!"

"Eh… You've got, like, twenty of them on the stage." Harry told. Devian gave him the do-I-look-stupid-to-you-look.

"I know that, Harry. I forgot my lucky drumsticks. I _always_ play the first song of the show with them. I can't go on stage without them!"

"Without what?" Rory and Cat just walked into the room from taking the last glance of the still empty club.

"He forgot his drumsticks." Harry muttered, returning his attention to his guitar.

"Your lucky drumsticks?" Rory confirmed. "Honey, I asked you if you got everything, didn't I? And you said yes, didn't you?"

Devian shot him a death glare. "Can you not do that right now? Give me the keys, I'll go and get them."

"Are you crazy? You can't drive in that weather!" Rory had a point there. It had been snowing like crazy all day and it was impossible to see three inches from your nose.

"I'm not going on that stage without my drumsticks so I bloody well have to!"

"Guys…" Cat started. "Please-"

"Shut up!" Both, Rory and Devian spat in unison.

"Just give me the goddamn keys, Rory."

Sighing, Rory dug the keys of out of his pocket. "There. But don't fucking blame me when you end up into a hospital bed."

"Trust me," Devian took the keys and zipped his hoodie. "I won't." After that, he stormed out of the door to the car, leaving a sad eyed Rory staring after him.

-

"I can't believe I'm actually here." Draco muttered to himself as he sat down next to Angel, in a table that had the perfect view to the stage. "How many times did I tell you that I'm not coming?"

"Um…" Angel counted in his mind quickly. "About nine." Then he laughed. "I'm terribly sorry that I dragged you here but please, try to have some fun, okay? For me?"

Draco smiled to the puppy eye look Angel gave him. "Fine." He sighed, overdramatically. "But only for you." Angel let out an excited cry and kissed Draco's cheek.

"Thank you."

The blonde smiled and took a sip of his drink. The club was nearly full now and the band was supposed to start at any minute. Finally the music that had been playing in the background stopped. But nothing happened. Minutes went by but nothing happened on the stage or anywhere else for that matter. The crowd was starting to get restless.

"Where are they?" Angel asked. Draco didn't answer, as he didn't know what the answer was. But something wasn't right. He had been on many shows by _Brandon Lee_ and he knew how they acted. They were never late. He scowled and took another sip from his drink, though it didn't even taste that good anymore.

Ten minutes later Harry climbed on stage, without his guitar or the other band members. Something was glimmering in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "I'm terribly sorry," He started. Draco raised an eyebrow. How come his voice sounded so… teary? "But we won't be able to perform tonight." There, without no further explanations, he left the stage again. Some of the crowd booed, but Draco shot up. Something was horribly wrong. _Brandon Lee_ never cancelled a show.

"Where are you going?" He heard Angel ask but he was already half way to the backstage door. He found it guardless and open. He didn't even bother to knock.

So many things were wrong. Firstly, Rory was sitting on the couch, sobbing quietly, occasionally letting out a louder sniff and Harry was sittingt on the table in front of him, softly stroking his back. Secondly, silent tears were running down Harry's cheeks too. Thirdly, Cat was cursing and behaving very violently towards a trashcan. Fourthly, Devian wasn't there at all.

"Draco?" Harry whispered, quite not believing his eyes. "What-"

"What's going on? Where's Dev?" Draco interrupted, rather alarmed. Cat finally stopped cursing and calmed down.

"Dev… Well, you see," He started, rubbing his eyes. "Dev is dead."

* * *

A/N: A cliffie! Eeek! Don't worry, I'll try to get the next chapter for you soon. Next week probably. Or maybe sooner. But I'm not promising anything! While waiting, please do tell me what you're thinking at this very moment.

THANK YOU my lovely and beautiful reviewers. I shall worship you!


	16. Mourning

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her.

**warnings:** cursing, slash (male/male romance), drinking

A/N: Well. It starts where I left the previous chapter. And... Enjoy:

* * *

"_Dev… Well, you see," He started, rubbing his eyes. "Dev is dead." _

"Dead?" Draco repeated. "What'd you mean 'dead'?"

"Dead!" Cat shouted. "As in D-E-A-D, dead! Not alive, departed! A fucking corpse! Not breathing!"

"Cat, SHUT UP!" Rory cried. "I think he got the picture already." Cat kicked the trashcan again and sank on his knees on the floor. Draco looked at the three men with a desperate look and suddenly Harry threw himself into his arms.

"I'm so sorry." Draco whispered into his ear, stroking his hair and hugging him. "I'm so sorry, baby…" Harry sobbed against his shoulder for a long while until he finally calmed down a bit. By that time Cat had gone, who knew where.

"We should get Rory home." Harry muttered, glancing at the red-head, who had no stopped crying.

"No!" He shrieked instantly. "I'm not going home. I can't- I- I just can't." Then he burst to tears once again. Harry gave Draco a helpless look. He didn't have a place to go.

"He can come to my place."

A small, sad smile flickered on Harry's lips. "Thanks."

Draco nodded. "Just give me five minutes." Then he went back to the club are and found Angel where he had left him, looking very puzzled.

"What's going on?"

"It's an emergency, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"What, why?"

"I'll explain later, I'm sorry." He leaned to kiss him. "I got to go. I'll call you."

-

Draco was pouring hot tea into two cups when Harry came down to sit by the small kitchen table. "I made tea." He told and gave Harry one of the cups.

"Thanks." Harry muttered as Draco sat down across him.

"How is he?"

"Fell asleep."

"How are you?"

Harry sniffed. "Me… I don't know." They fell silent for a long while. Not until Harry's cup was half empty did Draco speak again.

"What happened?" Harry looked up, puzzled. "I mean, to Dev…"

"Oh. He, um, he got into an accident. He had gone home to pick up his lucky drumsticks, you know he can't play without them," Draco nodded. "Yeah, so he, um, was driving back to the club in that horrible weather, he probably couldn't see a thing and then there was another car and-" His voice cracked.

"Another car?"

"Yeah… They said it came out of nowhere and the other driver couldn't see either and they crashed and…" He wiped the single tear rolling down his cheek away. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Draco admitted. "But let's not worry about it tonight." He paused. "Instead we should worry about where we're going to sleep." Harry gave him a questioning look. "As Rory is in my bed and I don't have any spare mattresses or anything."

"Ah." Harry gave a small nod. "I've been crashing at Cat's for a while, I can go there."

"No, you don't have to! I mean… Maybe you should stay, in the case Rory wakes up and… And it seemed to me like Cat needed some privacy."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Draco stood up and left Harry alone in the kitchen. Soon he followed him into the small living room and saw the blonde rearranging the couch. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I just remembered… This can be turned into a bed!" Draco told victoriously, as he had just beaten the dragon or something else like that. Harry merely shrugged and waited Draco to get done with the couch. Silently they prepared for bed and when Draco came back from the bathroom he saw Harry sitting on the edge, staring out of the window.

"Why him?" He asked weakly, when Draco sat down next to him.

"You know I would love to give you all the answers." Draco whispered, stroking Harry's messy hair. "But I'm afraid I don't know what the answers are."

Harry dropped his head on Draco's shoulder and the blonde wrapped his arms around him. "Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you." Draco simply shushed and rocked him until he fell asleep.

-

Hours later Draco woke up to the noise of sobbing. He glanced at the clock. It was seven past three in the morning. Then he realized where the sobbing was coming from. "Harry?" Draco whispered in the dark. Harry was lying on his side, back turned to the blonde. Draco saw his figure shudder. Cautiously he touched the boy's bare back.

"I…" Harry breathed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's okay, I don't mind."

"I just… I woke up and heard Rory crying and I went to see him and put him back to sleep."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain."

Harry sniffed and lay down on his back. Draco reached to wipe away his tears. "I remember when I first met him. We had just moved to Hogsmeade from some other even smaller town when I was thirteen and it was my first day at my new school. I was so nervous, I had faked to be sick in the morning so I wouldn't have to go but mom didn't buy it. She had to drag me there. He saw me standing alone in the playground and he came to offer me Spiderman gum."

"Spiderman gum?"

"Yeah, you know those sweet gums that totally ruined your teeth and you got a Spiderman sticker when you bought one? They don't make them anymore."

"Yeah, I remember those. The door of my room back in London was covered with the stickers."

"I stuck them everywhere, they drove my mom crazy. She told me not to buy them anymore after I had put one on the stove and it set on fire when she was cooking." He smiled at the memory. "She was so pissed." Then he started shaking and tears began to stream. Draco quickly scooped Harry into his arms. Harry sobbed quite a while before falling asleep again.

-

The next Tuesday Harry found himself standing next to an open grave in the Hogsmeade cemetery. He was standing on the other side with Draco, Rory, Cat and some other people Devian had known. On the other side was Devian's family. He couldn't hear a thing the priest was saying, but it didn't really matter. Nothing he said could make Devian come back.

The death had already become to the public's knowledge. In a small town like Hogsmeade the rumors spread fast and of course the car crash had made it to the local newspaper. Sunday night, the band had put an announcement on their website, where they told what had happened and asked Devian's family to be left alone to mourn in peace. And sure enough, no one had bothered them so far.

Harry felt Rory shaking next to him and softly he took his hand into his own and squeezed it. Rory let out a quiet sniff and squeezed back. Finally the priest stopped talking and Devian's mother stepped forward to throw a rose into the grave. His sister, Mera, followed and then nodded to Rory who stepped closer, still firmly holding Harry's hand. He said something but Harry wasn't sure what, he was too busy fighting back tears that started to mess up his vision.

Later people started to leave for the coffee and free cake at the Hawks, but the boys stayed behind. Harry wrapped his arms around Rory's shoulders and hugged him tight. "You ok?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I just… Could I have a minute… Alone…?"

"Yeah, of course, take your time. We'll wait by the car." Cat and Draco had already started walking towards the parking lot and Harry followed them. "Draco?" He called out softly as he reached the blonde.

He looked up. "Harry?"

"I just… I wanted to say thanks. For everything you've done during these past few days and-"

"Stop it. It's nothing, really. I considered him as my friend, too."

"I know. But you've been really there for us all and… I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it." Harry took Draco's hand and they walked in silence until they could see the parking lot.

"You know what was the last thing he said to me?" Draco asked suddenly. "It was in the grocery store, when we saw each other for the first time in a year. He said 'See ya around'. But I never saw him after that."

"To me he said something about how he can't go on stage without his lucky drumsticks, we were on the backstage. Then Rory and Cat came in and he and Rory had a fight and then he left." Harry paused. "Rory must be so messed up. The last thing he did with him was fight. And they sort of got engaged the previous night."

"They did?"

Harry nodded. Then he cleared his throat. "Um, was that guy, who you were with on Saturday, your boyfriend or something?"

"I didn't know you noticed us there?"

"Yeah. Well?"

"Um," Draco felt himself blush a bit. Then he realized that he had no idea what was the official status of their relationship. "We, um, he, well, I don't think so."

"You don't think so?"

"Yeah, well, we've been saying each other for a very short time and… Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you care?"

Harry looked down. "I don't." But before Draco could ask anything further, they reached the car. Cat was leaning against it, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. It was the first time when Cat cried for Devian. Harry stepped closer, cautiously. "Cat?"

He wiped his eyes and face. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah-"

Someone cleared their throat behind them. They turned to look and saw Rory leaning against the closed cemetery gate. "Guys, I've been thinking about _Brandon Lee_." Harry and Cat both raised an questioning eyebrow. "I can't go on with it without him. I don't think he can be replaced." Harry nodded.

"So," Cat started with a slightly cracking voice. "This is it?"

"Well," Rory came to stand closer. "If you want to continue, then please do, but I quit. It wouldn't be the same."

"He's right." Harry whispered. "_Brandon Lee_ without him isn't _Brandon Lee_."

Cat nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"C'mon," Draco spoke up. Harry suddenly realized that he was still holding Draco's hand and quickly let go. "I'll take you guys home."

"No." Rory stated. "I wanna go get wasted and have fun"

Harry gave him a puzzled look. "'Go get wasted and have fun'? Now?"

"Yeah, why not? I think we should honor his memory by doing something less… moping. He never did that, so it wouldn't be an appropriate way to send him off."

A grin spread on Draco's face. "Okay. Get in the car." They climbed in and when Draco started the engine, Harry turned to look at him, still puzzled.

"Where are we going?"

"First, we're going to buy some beer-"

"And red wine!" Cat exclaimed. "He loved red wine!"

"You're forgetting one thing here." Harry interrupted. "None of us is over 21."

Draco stopped the car dead to its tracks in the middle of the parking lot. "Shit."

"That's a problem." Rory admitted. But then the same grin spread on Draco's lips again.

"Not necessarily."

Twenty minutes later Draco piled a case of beer and a bottle of red wine in front of the cute cashier of the grocery store called Angel. The green eyed man gave him a very stern look. "Draco-"

"Angel?" Draco asked with the sweetest tone and gave him the sweetest smile.

"I can get in trouble for this." Angel hissed, but still told the price to the blonde.

"No you can't. Nobody knows I'm only 20 years old. Plus, I'm turning 21 in two months." He whispered, giving Angel the money. He took the case and the bottle of wine, said 'bye' and left.

-

Draco groaned as he woke up to the sounds coming from the kitchen. By the sound of it, Cat tried to prepare something that would even remotely look something like breakfast. Or lunch. Depending what the time was. But Draco didn't want to know what the time was, he didn't want to be awake at all. He just wanted to press closer to the warm body next to him, inhale its scent and fall asleep again.

His eyes snapped open. There wasn't supposed to be anyone in the bed with him. At least there usually wasn't. So why was Draco's arm tightly wrapped around somebody's slim waist? Draco tried to remember what had happened last night. After leaving the store, they had come to his place. They had been drinking and they all ended up rather drunk. The last thing Draco remembered was how he had gently kicked Harry's ribs, as he had been lying on the floor and giggling uncontrollably. But how did he end up in the same bed with "Harry?"

He received no answer. He tried again, and now managed to wake up the boy. Harry mumbled something that sounded like "comfy" and "shut up".

"Harry?" Draco called for the third time. He felt the body next to him tense, so Harry was well awake now.

"Draco? What are you doing here?"

"No, the question is what are you doing in my bed?"

"Your bed?"

"My bed."

Harry sat up suddenly. "What the hell am I doing in your bed?"

Draco suppressed a smile, failing terribly. But then he noticed something and the smile faded. "You, um, you've got a hickie on your neck."

"A hickie? I don't have any hickies." Harry argued, touching his neck with his hand as if he could feel the mark.

"Yeah you do…" Draco sat up too. "Um, did we, um… Do… Something last night?"

"Something like what?" Harry asked, confused. "Oh! Eh, um, well, I, I don't know. I can't remember." He paused. "I don't think so. I mean, I'm still wearing my boxers."

"Yeah, but that hickie didn't get there by itself."

"It could've been anyone! Rory, Cat…" Draco gave Harry a meaningful look, indicating that those options were hardly realistic. "…Your neighbor…"

_-flashback-_

_Harry was lying on the floor of the tiny living room of Draco's apartment, and giggling hysterically. It was a catchy giggle and soon Draco joined him. They both earned a smack from Rory, first Draco on the back of his head, and then Harry on his chest. It had no effect on Harry, but Draco grunted. _

"_Ouch. That hurt." _

_Rory ignored the complaint. "Cat passed out. The guy should seriously learn how to hold his liquor." He told, pointing at the purple haired man lying on the other edge of the spread sofa-bed._

"_Maybe he's hinting that it's time to go to bed." Draco suggested, slightly slurring his words and giving a gentle kick on Harry's ribs, as an attempt to make him stop giggling. Harry chuckled, but stopped. _

"_Where am I sleeping?" He asked, sounding a lot like a five-year-old British girl. _

"_Who cares? I'm staying here." Rory stated and lied down, falling fast asleep. Draco sighed, pulled Harry up from the floor and led him to his bedroom. But when Draco had already stripped down to his boxers, Harry was still struggling with the buttons of his white shirt. _

"_Let me do it." Draco slurred and stumbled across the bed to Harry's side. It took a while to undo all the buttons but finally he threw the shirt on the floor. He found himself staring at Harry's bare chest. Slowly he leaned closer and placed a soft kiss next to the left nipple. Then he practically attacked Harry's mouth with his own and pulled the other man on top of him. Soon Harry's slacks were long gone and both of them were wearing merely their boxers. Draco's hand found its way under Harry's boxers and he pressed their hips together. He started sucking, biting, nibbling and licking his neck, sure to leave a mark. Harry moaned, but suddenly the blonde under him went limp. Draco had passed out. _

_Harry sighed heavily, softly kissed his forehead and pulled the covers over them. He snuggled closer and soon fell asleep too. _

_-end flashback-_

* * *

A/N: In the next chapter we meet Doctor Walters, Draco's shrink, and find out what he really thinks of Harry. Push the'Go'-button, still got plenty of love to sell.

THANK YOU my all lovely reviewers.


	17. Devian, Lucius and Harry

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and co. belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her. The song _You're so last summer_ belongs to Taking Back Sunday. I am **not** anyone of them.

**warnings:** Hints for child abuse, violence and suicide.

**song**: You're so last summer by Taking Back Sunday

A/N: Well. I must say that this was probably the most difficult chapter to write. I hope you like it, I worked my ass off. And after this, onemore chapter and then it's done. Enjoy:

* * *

Draco was sitting on the most uncomfortable chair he had ever come across with facing a small brunette aged somewhere around 40. A smile was playing on her rouged lips as she watched Draco just sit there. She was Doctor Melinda Walters, his psychiatrist he saw every week. And like every week, it was Draco's job to start the conversation. After the greetings, she said nothing until Draco spoke.

"My friend died this Saturday." She waited him to continue, but when he didn't, she smiled at him compassionately.

"How did it make you feel?"

"I don't know. I haven't really gotten a chance to think about it."

"How so?"

"I've kind of been the shoulder to cry on most of the time." She nodded, with a knowing expression on her face. "What?"

She cleared her throat. "Draco, it is good that you are there for others, but you too need to deal with your lost. I am getting the impression that you had not mourned your friend at all, yet?"

"Well I haven't cried my eyes out, if that's what you mean."

"No," She shook her head, used to being snapped at. "That is not what I mean. We all mourn in our own special way. Even though crying is common, it is not compulsory. But you say that you have not had the time to sit and think about the death of your friend, because others have relied on you to be their rock."

"What are you saying?"

"You tell me, Draco."

He sighed. She did this all the time. First she would say something and then she made Draco tell her what she meant. Draco found this annoying, but she wanted him to figure things out himself and so make his self-esteem stronger. "Well… You're suggesting that I ditch my friends when they need me because I have mourning to do? I can do that later."

"True enough. But you do know that the later you mourn, the harder it will be." Draco didn't answer. He knew this very well. "You need to take some time for yourself, be selfish, find someone to be your shoulder. It does not mean that you are abandoning your friends. But you too need to go through the mourning process and deal with your lost before moving on."

"What if I don't want to deal with it?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if…" He started, taking a deep breath. "Why can't I just move on without mourning ceremonies or crying in the dark?"

"Draco, suppressing your feelings is unwell, it does you no good. You need to say goodbye, before you can truly move on with your life. It does not matter how you do it, just as long as you do it. If you keep your feelings, your sadness, anger, lost, bottled up, they will come back and haunt you."

"You're talking about depression, aren't you?"

She nodded. "Yes, and that in your case is-"

"Life threatening?" Draco suggested.

She nodded again. "You have done well, Draco, very well. I am very proud of your progress. But you are still awfully fragile and unsteady. You have achieved so much, and I do not think that either of us wants you to go back where you started." Draco sat silent for a while. Then he told her what he had told Harry about Devian's last words to him. She gave an understanding nod and waited him to continue. He didn't.

"Has anyone ever betrayed your trust so terribly that you've wanted to kill both, them and yourself?" He asked some time later.

"We are not here to talk about me."

"I know. I was just wondering if you could forgive someone who's done so."

"Draco, if you wish to forgive someone, it is your decision." She got that knowing smile again.

"Yes, I know. It's just so complicated. How can you hate and love someone at the same time?"

"Hmm… My mother once told me that the more you hate a person after they have wronged you, the more you really care for them."

"Because if they meant nothing to you, you wouldn't care if they hurt you?" Draco asked. "But what if the hate is stronger than the love?"

"Is it?"

Draco was dumbstruck by this simple little question. "I… Well… But…" He then started pouting like a little boy and said nothing for a while again. "I remember this day back in London when I was twelve years old." He started, suddenly feeling very cold. He lifted his legs on the chair and wrapped his arms around them. "It was a nice day. Warm and sunny. I think it was in July." She nodded. Draco had told this story to her before, many times. She wasn't sure if he remembered telling it to her, but it obviously was important enough to be told every week.

"I was sitting in the living room by the piano, but I wasn't playing. I just sat there staring at the notes for almost an hour. I knew that my father would come home soon and he would want to see me play. He said to me many times that my playing was the first thing he wanted to hear when he came home from work. But that day I just couldn't make myself to do it." Slowly, he started swing a bit in his chair. "He came home and I still wasn't playing. The sound of the door scared me. I remember being terrified. He was home and the first thing he heard was mother screaming in their bedroom. I knew that I should've left the house, or at least run to the attic and lock the door." He took a deep breath.

"But I didn't. Father came to me asked me why I wasn't playing. I apologized and said that there was something wrong with the piano. It didn't sound right. It was a lie and of course father knew it. But then mother came into the living room, she was furious. She started yelling to me about her pearl earrings. The ones her mother had given her. She told me that I had taken them. But I knew nothing about them, I didn't even know grandmother had ever given her anything." He stopped, just like every week at this part of the story.

"Did you tell her that?"

"Yes, but she called me a liar. I started crying and told her I was sorry. I kept telling her how sorry I was and that I didn't mean to take them."

"But you did not take them at all, did you?"

"No. Or if I did I can't remember it. She called me a thief and went back to their bedroom. I was still crying. I kept apologizing though I knew no one was listening to me. Father told me to go to my room. I did and he followed. After he had closed the door he told me what a piece of shit I was. I was a failure in every way and he was ashamed of having me as a son." Silent tears started rolling down his pale cheeks.

"What did he do then?" She asked, even though she knew.

"He hit me. He beat me so bad that I passed out." He breathed warily, hugging himself tighter.

"How do thinking and talking about it make you feel?"

"I… It was my fault."

"Getting beaten up by your father?"

"Yeah. It was all my fault. If I hadn't stolen mother's earrings-"

"But you did not steal them, did you?"

"I…" Draco looked around like a frightened deer. "I don't remember."

"You said that you did not."

"I did? Oh, yeah, I did. No, I said that I can't remember doing it."

"But why would you have wanted to steal them? What would you do with pearl earrings?"

Draco couldn't answer that. "It was my fault, anyway."

"Why?"

"Because everything is always my fault. When mother was late from her hair dresser, it was my fault. When father had to fire some people at work, it was my fault that they lost their jobs. It was my fault."

"Draco," She started. "You could not have possibly affected on your mother's schedule and how well she kept up with it. And it was your father's company's business if they had to let some of their employees go. You were only a child. And what your father did to you that day, it was not your fault. Nothing your father has done to you, has ever been your fault."

He merely asked for a piece of paper and pen. He wrote something on the paper and gave it and the pen back to her. But he told her not to open it until he had left. Then he stayed silent for a few minutes. "After the funeral," He started then. "We got drunk and the next morning I woke up next tohim."

"Who?"

"My ex-boyfriend."

"The one who cheated on you?"

He nodded. "Yeah. We didn't do much, but… It was nice waking up next to him. I wanted to stay there and just hug him."

"Was it because it was him next to you, or because there was just somebody?"

"I… It was because of him. I had completely forgotten what it was like to lie in the same bed with him but then all the memories just flooded in." Draco started to relax again, he dropped his legs off the chair and he felt warm again. "All the good memories."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Confused. I don't know if I'm allowed to feel like this towards him. It's like… Like I would miss him."

"All of your feelings are allowed, Draco."

"Even if I say that I might still be in love with him? Is that allowed? I mean, after what he did? Am I allowed to trust him without some office lady coming to me and telling that I'm supposed to hate and despise him forever?"

"There are no such office ladies, I can assure you. If you feel like you can trust him, I am only encouraging you to do so. It is important for you to have people who you can trust around you."

"Huh." Draco pulled his legs back into his lap and hugged them. He stayed like that until the time was coming to an end. "I'm still in love with him."

She gave a small smile. "Maybe you could tell him that."

Draco stood up and they shook hands. "Maybe."

"I'll see you next week, Draco."

He nodded and left the room. She took the piece of paper Draco had written on earlier and unfolded it. On the top of the paper was

_DAD, GET OUT OF MY HEAD! _

written on big, harsh letters. Under that was a piece of lyrics by some band she had never heard of, and then she didn't even recognize them as song lyrics.

_The truth is that you could slit my throat  
__And with my one last gasping breath  
__I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt_

* * *

A/N: I've got one word; review (aka buy my love by pressing the 'Go'-button).

THANK YOU for those who have reviewed. I worship you. Do it again!


	18. Only Hollywood movies

**disclaimer:** Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy belong to J.K. Rowling. I am **not** her.

**warnings:** cursing, smoking.

A/N: This is it. The end. Oh dear. I thought I was never going to get this finished. But I did. It's kind of short, but I think everything that needs to be said is being said.

* * *

"Do I know you?" 

Draco gazed down in embarrassment. He deserved that, as he deserved the cold cocking of an eyebrow from Angel, who apparently had cut his hair to make it point the ceiling. Draco hadn't actually talked with him, or seen him since the funeral day and that was two weeks ago. "I'm sorry."

Angel crossed his arms on his chest and leaned on the doorframe. "I'm listening."

"I'm sorry that I haven't called you in god knows how long." Draco continued. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I needed to do it alone, _but-_" He rushed when Angel was about to snap at him. "But I know that I should've called you and let you know what's going on and I'm terribly sorry that I didn't. It was never my intention to hurt you or make you worry."

"So you think you hurt me?"

"You look like I did."

Angel didn't answer. They stood in silence for a while; Angel's neighbor, a very nice old man came out of his apartment, greeted them both and got out of the building before Angel spoke again. "So you came to tell me that it's over?" He swallowed. "Is that why you're here?"

Draco shifted his weight from one leg to another. "Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"I mean… Yeah. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do this with you right now." He whispered. "Don't get me wrong, you're an amazing guy and anyone would kill to have you­-"

"But you wouldn't." Angel finished the sentence for him, sounding a little bitter. Or maybe Draco imagined it. He wasn't sure. "Are you gonna get back together with your ex?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe you should. You obviously care for him."

"It's complicated."

"Only if you make it so." Angel paused. "Goodbye, Draco." Then, he closed the door and left Draco stand alone in the corridor. He left the building, and walked three blocks to the police station.

-

"Seriously, Harry, you have got to stop moving!" Cat groaned as he placed the box he had carried up to the sixth floor of a building that had no elevator.

"Hey, it's not my fault that Tom kicked me out." Harry said, opening the box Cat had brought. CDs. Huh.

"Actually Harry, it _is_ your fault." Rory told as he placed another box next to the one Harry was now going through with an excited expression on his face. Harry loved his CDs. "This was the last one." He said then as Harry choose to ignore his first comment.

"Thank god." Cat muttered, allowing himself to sit on one of the barstools he had brought up earlier. "Next time, move into a building with an elevator, okay?"

"I promise." Harry mumbled, sill going through his records. Then his head shot up and he looked around. "Where's Draco?" Indeed, Draco had been there carrying the boxes with them. Mainly because Rory had insisted him to come. Harry had been too shy to even call the blonde after the funeral. But now he was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, he's still out, smoking I think." Rory informed, taking a seat himself.

"Smoking?" Harry repeated. _Since when does Draco smoke? _

Slowly Harry walked down the numerous stairs and finally found Draco leaning against the van they had used moving the stuff, and yes, smoking.

"I didn't know you smoke."

"I have for a while now. I started when I was in the UK."

"When were you there?"

"A couple of months ago."

"For how long?"

"About a year." Draco dropped the cigarette on the ground and loosely stepped on it.

"What were you doing there?"

The blonde took another cigarette out of pocket and lit it. Harry reached his hand, silently asking for one. "I thought you quit." He said, still giving one to Harry.

"I did." Harry smiled, lighting the cigarette. "And then I started again." He paused. "So, what were you doing in the UK?"

"Trying not to kill myself."

A small smile spread on Harry's lips and soon Draco caught it too. "A successful trip?"

"I'm not dead, am I?" They fell silent and smoked their cigarettes. Then Draco suddenly took Harry hand, pulled him close and crashed their lips together. "I'm going to go back."

"To try not to kill yourself?" Harry asked, breathless.

"No, to London. America doesn't suit me." Draco whispered, kissing the raven haired man again.

"I think America suits you just fine."

"No… London suits me a lot better. It's something I know. I can't stay here."

"When are you leaving?"

"Monday." The blonde told huskily and attacked Harry's neck with his lips. When Harry heard himself moan, he snapped back into the reality.

"Wait!" He cried, pushing Draco away. "We can't, I, you, we, I can't! I don't understand." He said then, more calm. "What are you doing?" Draco sighed, leaned against the car again and lit another cigarette. "Draco?"

The blonde sucked his cigarette and blew the smoke out. "Why do you ask so many questions?"

"Why are you acting weird?"

"Am I?"

"Yes!" Harry cried, maybe a little louder than he should've. "You've never acted like this!"

"Like how? Confident? Self-assured? Like a human being instead of some lost puppy? Yeah, I guess I am acting weird then. Sorry if you don't like it."

"Why?"

"Why?" Draco repeated. "Because I finally got dad out of my head." He told with almost a maniac like grin. He laughed at Harry's shocked expression. He knew what he was thinking. "I didn't fucking kill him."

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did." He interrupted. "You thought I killed him. Well, I can assure you that I didn't. He's the one who belongs to jail, not me."

An understanding smile flickered on Harry's lips as Draco grinned at him happily. "You reported him to the police."

"Yes!" Draco pointed his arms high in the air. "I did! Of course the son of a bitch denied everything, but dear ol' mum confirmed everything I told them." He paused to breathe. "Now the motherfucker is locked up, and I," He approached Harry, wrapping his arms around the man's neck. "I'm free. Free to do whatever I want with whoever I want."

"What do you want?" Harry whispered, slightly afraid of the answer.

"I…" Draco breathed and pressed his lips against Harry's ear. "I want to go to London with you." Softly he kissed him on the lips. "I want to have a happy ending."

"Only Hollywood movies have happy endings."

"Do you love me?"

Harry flinched. He was taken aback by this. He hadn't expected this question at all. "Yeah…" He finally whispered. "Yeah, I do."

"Then give me a happy ending."

"But… London?"

"Yes, London. Why not London?"

"I've never been to London."

"The Queen lives there." Draco lured, as if it had anything to do with Harry's desire to go to London.

"Queen of France?"

"Queen of England. France doesn't have a queen."

"It doesn't?"

Draco shook his head like a four-year-old boy assuring his mother that _he_ hadn't eaten the last cookies. "Not since Marie Antoinette. And that was a long time ago."

"How do you know so much about the French? You're British, for fuck's sake."

The blonde grinned. "Know your enemy." Then he turned serious again. "Well? Are you going to give me a happy ending?"

Harry frowned. He wanted to give that mood swinging, suicidal, abused little kid the happiest ending of them all, but could he do it? He had fucked up the first time, what if he did it again? But then again, Draco had probably already considered this. "Yes. Yes, I am."

Draco let out the breath he had been holding. "So you'll go to London with me?"

"Yes."

"And live with me there?"

"Yes."

"Until the end comes?"

"Until the _happy_ end comes." Harry corrected and they kissed softly and wrapped their arms around the other tighter than ever.

Everybody knows that Draco is Harry's mood swinging, suicidal, abused little kid, who deserves the happiest ending of them all. Including them.

-THE END-

* * *

A/N: Draco was weird... Anyway, thank you everyone who have reviewed and read and read and reviewed, I love people who read and review and vice versa. So thank you. And, I still want to know what you think so press that 'Go'-button. Please? For me? For Harry and Draco? 

Thanks. They'll appreciate it.


End file.
